There was a time when lip balms were the currency of class. They conveyed, societally, where you ranked in the echelons of the middle school elite, in between lunchtimes when you knew you needed an extra layer of protection. Whether you hovered over your Kmart checkout counter or ripped into a sealed pouch tucked into a magazine to make your selects, your lip balm became your Y2k North Star.
But the burning question remains: Which lip balm embodies your astrological spirit? Underneath, we’ve taken the liberty to assign the sign to each tube. Ready, set, unscrew. Here, we’re sharing the lip balm we’d match to your star sign.
Aries: Spice MAC Lipglass
Aries, our first in the chain of command. Just like how MAC Cosmetics ran the show in the Y2K era of beauty, Aries are our bold risk-takers, charismatic, and best glided upon with a restrained hand. The Lipglass collection is bursting with character, glossier than other balms and unafraid of its lustrous shine. Pucker up before you shoot off.
Taurus: Revlon Adore Colourburst Balm
Tauruses want one thing, or well, maybe two. They’re guided by opulent, simple pleasures, and sticking it to their comfort zones. Lightweight, moisturising, with the stock-same formula they’ve perfected for years, Revlon Colourburst is the minimalist’s go-t0 for a one-size fits all infusion of colour. Low-effort, high reward.
Gemini: Liprageous Blue Raspberry
Our zany, misunderstood Geminis cannot fit in one box. They’re complex creatures, with an untamed curiousity. Nothing raised more questions or eyebrows when you’d shuck out this bad boy from the pocket of your uniform skort. It’s a wildcard – but a pint-sized one. Its duality makes for its overall allure – you get a little something from every end.
Cancer: Maybelline Berry Crush Baby Lips
Of course, the Baby Lips go to our doe-eyed Cancers. This balm was the one that epitomised girlhood at its peak. And the lips have to match the marshmallowy interior. Baby Lips by Maybelline is multi-hydrating, soothing and full of moisture for our water-led crabs. And clock that baby pink and blue colourway: oh-so coquette.
Leo: Victoria Secret PINK High Gloss Conditioning Oil
The primadonna of lip balms need no introduction. Half way between a conditioner and a gloss, this PINK lip oil characterises our Leos and their confident, lacquered approach to everything. In the heyday where Victoria Secret accoutrements were of cult status and determined social scale, it’s only right for our Lions to seize upon the high-gloss and to wear it with pride.
Virgo: Elf Squeeze Me Lip Balm
Our no-nonsense Virgos need a balm that works. We’re talking portability, durability and multi-function, and this humble E.l.f. tube encompasses all beauty needs. The slanted tip applicator is tested for easy application on the go, and its formula is laden with ingredients like goji berries, shea butter and hyaluronic acid. It’s ticking all the boxes for us, and we know it will for them.
Libra: Tickled Pink Lancôme Juicy Tube
The way of the Libra is the way of the aesthete. Though they are balanced in approach, they trend toward the finer things in life and are loyal to luxury. The original Juicy lip gloss with ultra-high shine and 4-hours of lasting hydration is a classic snapshot of a bygone era that has been reworked for all self-refinery needs.
Scorpio: Cherry Cola Lipsmackers
How does that line in Lana Del Rey’s Cola go again? We’ll hum it, but I think any Scorp already knows what’s on the tip of my tongue. Our water sign with a sting are lipsmackingly good. In the mood for a bit of a sensual fun? Summon a Scorpio. They’re just like a Cherry Coke Lipsmacker: A hybrid so wrong that it’s right.
Sagittarius: Born Lippy Lip Oil Body Shop
No one does adventuring quite like a Sagittarius. Dynamic and propulsive wayfarers deserve a lippy that’s just as bombastic as they are. The Body Shop’s Born Lippy collection espouses all the spunky traits from the last of our fire signs. With cold-pressed seed oils and a flattened circular shape, this lip balm is perfect for slotting into a dinky purse and forgetting about til later, just as a Sagittarius would.
Capricorn: Burt’s Bee’s Lip Balm Tin
A Capricorn consumer is one that is ever-conscious. Governed by practicality, the Capricorn vessel needs no finer frill or introduction. And there’s no balm as long-lasting (and literal, look, it’s all on the tin) for our pragmatists at heart. For compactability, the beloved silverware have even been traded out for the tube form. Leave it to our Caps to shortcut and update as they go.
Aquarius: EOS Sweet Mint Lip Balm
Even by recognition they are misnomers: Aquarians are our detached air signs, irrespective of the moisture their title might suggest. Just like the EOS lip balm, they do not conform to convention, and yet, there’s a space for them everywhere you go. At one point, they were the optimal lip balm to tout. With their innovative flair, it’s not hard to imagine why.
Pisces: Aloha Coconut Chapstick
Dream a little dream of me, Pisces. Our gentle water signs are soothing pacifists, and the humble chapstick is the originator of the alleviant balm. Chapped lips, goodbye. Coupled with the soft fragrance of coconut, Pisceans can kiss their worries goodbye with this holidaying scent.
Looking for more nostalgia? We’ve also matched your zodiac sign to the perfect Y2K perfume, so prepare to be spirited away by these iconic fragrances.
