Top couples therapist reveals the 8 behaviours that are guaranteed to DESTROY a relationship

Not arguing with your partner and having an overbearing mother or father in law are two signs your marriage may be destined for failure, a leading couples counsellor has warned. 

Dr Nicole LePera, a clinical psychologist from Philadelphia, listed the relationship characteristics as part of eight patterns of behaviour she sees in partners who ‘don’t make it’. 

LePera, aka @the.holistic.psychologist, told her one million followers on X that the first sign a relationship may end is an extended family that is ‘overly-involved’.

Recalling scenarios from previous clients, she said sharing private issues with family members can can leave one partner with a lack of trust.

This creates unnecessary friction in the relationship, she said. 

Next on the list of relationship-breaking behaviours is assuming the worst. ‘They assumed their partner’s intentions were malicious or negative. Instead of being curious, they were accusatory,’ she said.

Her next red flag will come as welcome news to couples with a firey relationship who are prone to a lover’s tiff. 

Many of Dr LePera’s couples who broke up ‘never fought’, she said.

‘This usually came from one partner avoiding or surpressing their issues. When one partner would finally reach a boiling point, the other partner would be confused because they seemingly never disagreed.’

Another warning sign is one person in the couple ‘pushing’ the other to make changes to their life. 

This can make the partner feel like the other’s ‘project’ and lead to resentment.

She observed that often the other person in the relationship has no interest in changing and this behaviour can just make matters worse.  

Having unrealistic expectations of a ‘fairy-tale like’ partnership can cause relationships to go down hill too.

Dr LePera explained that people with an idealised view of what a relationship should be often struggle with maturity and the idea that life, can be ‘difficult or boring’.

Holding on to the little things and not knowing when to forgive can also put a relationship in tatters.

Recalling past clients, she said: ‘They had low frustration tolerance and rigid ways of interacting. 

‘Without discernment to know when to let an issue go and when to focus on it, they became highly critical and draining to each other.’

Focusing on ‘optics’, such as how the relationship looks from the outside to friends, family or even on social media is another characteristic that can ruin your love life.

Instead a relationship should be about how it feels for each other, Dr LePera stresses. 

Finally, not knowing how to get over a fight, or apologise is another trait Dr LePera has observed in unhealthy relationships. 

She said: ‘In relationships we will hurt people, and people will hurt us. Repair is the act of apologising, listening (even when it’s hard), and promising to do better. Instead of repair, there was defensiveness and deflection.’ 

Followers praised Dr LePera for her insightful post, while other admitted to seeing the same traits in their own relationships. 

The psychologist, who has 9 million Instagram fans, has previously been open about her polygamous relationship with her wife Lolly and another woman.