The real reason women avoid the gym? The cult of toxic femininity… that parade of females flaunting toned bodies that make the rest of us feel rubbish

A lot has been said this week about muscle-bound men leering at women in the gym, making us feel uncomfortable — and I couldn’t agree more.

According to new British research, women are avoiding the gym because they’re fed up of receiving unsolicited compliments about their appearance or exercise technique.

But, I’m afraid to say, it’s not just the men that are a problem — it’s women too. 

I recently terminated my membership at a major gym brand because of my last experience, which left me somewhat scarred. 

As I plodded along on a treadmill, there were two young women to my left doing a squatting routine. They were in full make-up – including false eyelashes – with their smartphones balanced on the floor to capture it on video.

The moves they were doing, in skintight bodystockings, were – apologies in advance for this – gynaecologically explicit.

Another attractive young woman was endlessly rearranging her cleavage in the mirror.

I didn’t know where to look, though I guessed it was all for the benefit of the women’s followers on social media who lap up the no-doubt-airbrushed videos and pictures they post. 

Dressed in tatty leggings and an old hooded jumper, I felt suddenly self-conscious.

I was the only woman there not poured into a barely-there sheer ensemble seemingly designed to hoick up boobs and bum, and flash the midriff.

My jog lasted all of 15 minutes before I hastily left – pretty much vowing to never set foot there again. 

Women’s aversion to the gym is a long recognised phenomenon.  A study published in 2022 showed that half of British women haven’t done any proper exercise in a year. This compares to just over a third of men, according to the survey of 8,000 adults by the charity Nuffield Health.

The reasons? Some have suggested that it’s because we bear the brunt of other time-consuming responsibilities, such as childcare. But I wonder if anyone else has been put off by the type of carry-on I was subjected to?

Most people have heard of toxic masculinity – the term used to describe the aggressive and domineering behaviour some men adopt. Well, the female version is arguably more pernicious because it is less recognisable.

But just as toxic masculinity makes men see each other as adversaries, toxic femininity demands we too endlessly compete.

Who wins? The girl with best figure or most perfect skin and hair? Or the one who gets the guy?

And, as I discovered, it’s all going on down at the gym.

What’s wrong with young women wanting to get fit and look good, some might ask. Well, I have no problem with that. But that’s not what I see.

Google the words ‘women gym clothes’ as I did yesterday, and what pops up are pictures of girls in exposing outfits. But it’s not the clothes themselves that bother me, it’s how the models present them.

Some squat, back to the camera, pouting suggestively over their shoulder, buttocks splayed. Others thrust their chests, legs apart. I found myself wondering what exercise it was they were supposed to be doing. I’m troubled by this, not because I’m some sort of prude – it’s great when women feel confident and attractive – but because it’s duplicitous. It’s pretending to sell health and fitness, but really it’s saying: ‘Look at my body.’

Young men looking at this think about sex, to be blunt. And studies have shown that the more they view such images, the more they see women as objects. So really, anyone claiming all this is somehow empowering women – it just isn’t.

Young girls strive to fit in, often going to extreme lengths to achieve a body type. Most women over the age of about 13 can achieve flat, toned tummies only by exercising tons and eating very little. 

And research shows that women who look at lots of images of supposedly perfect female bodies are more likely to suffer anxiety and depression, compared with those who don’t.

But most of all, when it’s in the gym, the pouting, Lycra-clad show is simply off-putting.

Countless public-health initiatives have failed to get women physically active. The same barrier comes up time and time again: we’re worried about the way we look while working out. A recent study found about one in five women don’t exercise because they are concerned about being ‘red and sweaty’ in front of others.

I have many friends who have paid eye-watering costs for home exercise bikes so they don’t have to set foot inside a gym. And if anything is going to make you feel rubbish about the way you look, it’s the washboard abs of a beautiful fitness model who barely breaks a sweat. 

I know this will be painted by some as a grossly unfeminist attack. But I don’t blame those women in the gym. They are victims of our sex-obsessed culture who are doing what they think is necessary to fit in.

At least Playboy bunnies were upfront about what they were selling. This new version is entirely disingenuous. But, of course, that’s the thing with toxic femininity: the last thing you want to do is be honest about the lengths you’re going to.

It’s a bit like Hollywood stars who have cosmetic surgery, then claim the fact they’ve barely aged a day in 40 years is down to yoga, a positive mindset and drinking lots of water. These lies are designed to trump other women: ‘Oh look, my beauty defied the laws of nature and biology.’ And it’s totally toxic.

Today, it seems this pornified look is fairly ubiquitous in the fitness world. Little wonder the top reason most women give for why they exercise is to change their body shape.

But for many this is not an effective motivator: having fun is. Research shows by far the most powerful tool in helping us stick to an activity is the amount of enjoyment we get from it.

‘I want more women to find fun in movement,’ says Renee McGregor, a sports dietician and author of athletics performance guidebook More Fuel You.

‘I like to run in the countryside with a group of friends because I get a social life out of it, and release pent-up energy. All too often people see the gym as a tick-box exercise – like punishment. Lifting weights while people around me look at themselves in the mirror feels as far away from exercise as you can get.’

So ladies, here’s my plea: go for a walk with a friend. Jog with a dog (or someone else’s). Join a friendly tennis team (which is what I’ve done). Swim in the glorious sunshine – go dancing!

And maybe quit taking pictures of yourself in the gym.