Stalking widows online saved my marriage: It may sound ghoulish, but their unfathomable grief makes me love my husband more. Now experts reveal WHY some of us have this strange obsession
Hearing the front door click open, my heart does a little flip as I welcome my husband home from work with a grateful hug and a passionate kiss.
I must admit, after 10 years of marriage, four kids and a Sheepadoodle, I thought the honeymoon period of our relationship was long gone.
But then recently I discovered something new – or should I say someone new – and unexpectedly it has given me back my marriage mojo.
No, it’s not an affair, or a subscription to some ripped reality star on OnlyFans. And we haven’t done couples therapy or started dabbling in tantric sex.
The person responsible for my new lease on life is actually a complete stranger: an American mother of two, who lost her own husband in a tragic accident.
Just like other popular influencers on Instagram who inspire you to declutter your house, reorganise your pantry or dress your children in beige, young widows have carved out a large niche on social media, with some boasting hundreds of thousands of followers.
As somatic therapist and relationship expert Georgia Grace explains, observing widows online can have a similar cathartic effect to watching an emotional movie or reading a book.
‘But unlike a movie that has an end, you have an ongoing touch point to keep following the story,’ she says.
Julie, who goes by the name ‘Spilled Milk Mamma’ on Instagram, lost her husband Charles in a car accident just weeks after she gave birth to their second child
‘It allows you to put things into perspective and feel more compassion and empathy in your own life,’ Georgia adds.
‘Death is terrifying and it’s the one the thing that people fear the most.’
Georgia says that because we know we are going to lose our loved ones at some point – or they will lose us – seeing it happen to others can help us process those difficult thoughts.
‘For the widows, storytelling is a big part of the healing process and being able to share with others helps them too,’ she tells me.
‘It’s called narrative transportation, when their storytelling engages your senses and you feel emotion.
‘We are human and connected and that empathy is totally normal.’
It was actually my best friend Grace who asked me about a year ago if I was following her ‘favourite widow’. At first, I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose at the thought of it.
Young mum Julie, she explained, was in the depths of grief after her soulmate and the father of their two children died in a road accident.
After 10 years of marriage, four kids and a Sheepadoodle, Jonica Bray (pictured) thought the honeymoon period of her relationship was long gone – until she discovered widow influencers
It sounded just awful, and also a little bit morbid, to be watching her life fall apart from afar.
‘You should look her up, she is amazing and it really makes me feel so much more grateful for what we have,’ she told me rather seriously.
Since then, we talk often of Julie’s life as if she were one of our close friends.
Going by the name ‘Spilled Milk Mamma’ on Instagram, Julie lost her husband Charles in a car accident just weeks after she gave birth to their second child.
Her bravery and resilience as she navigates life after such an unfathomable loss is simply inspiring, and I’m constantly left in awe and wondering how I would fare in a similar situation.
I can’t really bear to think about that too often, and then when my husband walks through the door, I am so thankful he does.
It turns out we don’t follow widows out of morbid curiosity, but because we admire how they find strength despite such unimaginable tragedy.
There are others I have started to follow, too.
Some have turned their experiences into self-help books and seminars for other widows, and some, I think, just like having people to confide in, even if they are strangers online. Maybe it’s because they are strangers.
And when Julie found love again, I couldn’t text Grace fast enough to see what she thought of the new guy, Shawn.
‘She has a type,’ Grace replied when she noticed the striking similarities between her late husband and her new boyfriend, to whom she is now married.
We’re both emotionally invested and cheering her happy ending from afar.
I get it. It sounds a bit weird and maybe a tad stalker-ish, but honestly, following widows on social media has made my marriage happier.
Of course it’s not perfect and we still have our ups and downs, but these days I actively try not sweat the small stuff because of the women who no longer get to complain.
