SAUCY SECRETS: My boyfriend’s sudden obsession is giving me the ick. Why are so many men doing this now?

Dear Jana,

Is it normal for my partner to take a long time to finish during sex? He can last for over 30 minutes and wears it like a badge of honour. I get bored within 10 minutes and want to wrap it up. How long is ‘normal’, and are there any tips or guidelines to help things along? I’m starting to get over the never-ending jackhammering.

Luce.

Dear Luce,

I think you and I speak on behalf of all women-kind when we say, ‘Lads, can you hurry it up?’ Unless you are going ‘downtown’ first before delighting us with a lovely mid-to-long schlong, we really don’t want to be there all day. And don’t get me wrong, sex is a wonderful experience – honestly, I can’t get enough of it – but I understand you completely.

I hate to tell you this, but if your partner is lasting that long, there’s a fair chance he had already some ‘special alone time’ with himself earlier that day and, hence, he’s not racing to the finishing line. A morning wank does wonders for later stamina.

So perhaps move your night marathons to a morning quickie. He’ll be a happy chappy within three to five minutes and you will hopefully have enjoyed a morning orgasm. What better way to start the day?

Alternatively, I find some good old fashioned dirty talk mid-thrust really gets them to the finish line. Put an extra naughty thought in his mind while he’s enjoying you and he’ll be profusely apologising for his quick exit before you know it.

And in terms of the jackhammering, sit that man down and tell him in a saucy way exactly what you would like him to do. Start with, ‘I’d really like to try…’ and suggest something more exciting than his usual thrusting routine. Jackhammers are for work sites, not the bedroom.

Dear Jana,

My boyfriend has this sudden obsession with becoming an influencer, and it’s giving me the ick. He’s constantly filming himself, spends way too much time fixing his hair, and has even stopped posting pictures of us because he says being ‘single’ will help him grow his following.

The thing is, he only has 5,000 followers, and I’m pretty sure most of them are fake. What’s really annoying me though, is that it feels like his whole personality has shifted. It’s like everything we do now has to revolve around his ‘content’ and I miss when we could just hang out without him planning the perfect shot.

How do I handle this without losing my patience – or feeling like I’m dating a wannabe reality star instead of the person I fell for?

Anonymous.

Oh, anonymous. Ick, ick, ick!

Just last night I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram Reels when my algorithm got stuck on ‘hot men pouting at the camera with a cut-and-paste-quote underneath.’ And nothing turns a man from a ten to a five more quickly than admiring his reflection while quoting Gandhi.

You signed up for a boyfriend, not a Kardashian-in-training, so, first off, let’s address the ‘being single helps the brand’ nonsense. If he’s more committed to chasing clout than building a healthy relationship, it’s time for a reality check – preferably one without a ring light.

Maybe start by gently pointing out that his sudden dreams of influencer stardom are giving off ‘thirsty’ vibes. Ask him what he’s really hoping to achieve with all this. Is it a genuine passion or just a phase fuelled by too many TikTok gurus promising him fame in 30 days?

If it’s the former, great – maybe you can help him balance his goals while also making time for a normal relationship. But if it’s the latter, remind him no one wants to watch a wannabe influencer erase his girlfriend in the name of ‘engagement’. How did the world get so vapid?

And, hey, if he’s not willing to compromise, maybe you should start posting about how being single is great for your personal growth. Turn the tables on that sucker!

But I think once he realises how much work actually goes into being an influencer he’ll treat it as a passing phase. I’ve been on trips away with influencers, and it’s really not as exciting as it sounds. It’s a full-time job that takes constant attention. Snore. Hopefully he’ll get bored of it.

Dear Jana,

Last month, I met someone while attending a wedding in the Hunter Valley. We hit it off straight away and ended up spending the weekend together, talking about everything from our shared dreams to the possibility of making it work despite the distance. He’s based in Dubai, but his company has projects in Australia, so moving closer isn’t entirely off the table.

For now, we’re mapping out visits to see each other, but I’m a hopeless romantic who gets attached quickly and the idea of long-distance already feels daunting. Should I focus on this connection or keep dating locally? I’ve been going on a few dates a month here Sydney, and while I haven’t found anyone special, meeting him feels like a turning point. Could he really be the one, or am I rushing ahead?

Sal.

Oh Sal, how I love a wedding hook-up! People say oysters are an aphrodisiac but I find weddings are the real MVPs.

Okay, let’s dive right in: should you focus on the connection or keep dating locally? In the immortal words of my favourite El Paso taco commercial: ‘Why not both?’ Just like deciding between a hard- or soft-shell taco, the answer is surprisingly simple.

Put your energy into wedding lover boy by making solid plans to see each other and explore where things could go. At the same time, keep your options open – because, let’s face it, your knight in shining armour might also be waiting just around the corner. Plus, it’s always nice to have a distraction so the heart doesn’t get ahead of itself. I find dating multiple people is the great leveller.

Until this man locks you down and says, ‘Let’s go official,’ the world is still your oyster. (Don’t ask me why I keep referencing oysters, I’m clearly having a horny day). You’re not cheating on Dubai Guy by keeping your options open while you figure this out. Think of it as protecting your heart while you see if this fairytale connection has legs outside the wedding bubble. Because everyone looks dreamy in the wedding bubble.

So I wholeheartedly say give it a shot with Mr. Dubai, but keep your feet on the ground. If he’s truly the one, he’ll make it obvious – and you won’t have to guess. Until then, keep dating and enjoy the ride. Sometimes, the ‘one’ isn’t the guy at the end of the aisle but the one who shows up when it’s real life, not just wedding magic. Keep that roster rotating until someone gives you a good reason to stop – preferably with a diamond ring in hand.