It’s impossible to put Brontez Purnell in one box. Just when you thought the Oakland-based musician, dancer, filmmaker, zine maker, and novelist had pushed the limits of being the ultimate multi-hyphenate, he brought out a poetic memoir this year, Ten Bridges I’ve Burnt. And still, Purnell found the time to partner with Hinge to bring to life the story of a real couple, Euan and Aliya, for the No Ordinary Love anthology. And he did so in the way Purnell does best – with an honest and deep understanding of the complexities of dating today.
No Ordinary Love is an 80-page anthology of modern romantic prose challenging love story tropes and cliched narratives by celebrating the plot twists of real love. It features the stories of six real couples who met on Hinge, written by six groundbreaking authors: Roxane Gay, R. O. Kwon, Oisín McKenna, John Paul Brammer, Brontez Purnell, and Isle McElroy. You can read Euan and Aliya’s story now at No-Ordinary-Love.co or grab a physical copy of No Ordinary Love in New York or London from September 23-30. Ahead of the release, we spoke to Purnell about being late for the first date, finding compromise, and reflecting on the “greatest loves” of his life throughout this process.
What’s a love story you wish you wrote and why?
Brontez Purnell: It would have to be Cupid and Psyche because it’s the first love story that I ever read. It’s a wonderful story about love, trust, betrayal, atonement, and redemption.
This isn’t your first time writing about relationships. Did starting with a real couple change your approach and process? If so, how?
Brontez Purnell: I think all of my love stories essentially start with real couples. I’m a fiction writer, so I often have to change space, time, and details. But it was a very pleasant process talking to two young people who are very much in love. There’s nowhere to go but a positive and wonderful place when you start there.
Your story explores compromise versus being accepted. Why do you think this topic is important for conversations around dating and romance today?
Brontez Purnell: People think that when we start relationships, establishing boundaries is just one conversation to have in the beginning, but it’s a conversation to have throughout the relationship. The line in the sand is constantly being redrawn, and in order to love someone, the willingness to keep up that energy is what’s going to uphold the relationship. It’s constant check-ins, daily.
What’s your favourite thing about writing about love? And your least favourite?
Brontez Purnell: My favourite is writing about the general relation of people and how we come (and stay) together. The thing that doesn’t always make it into the story is the long pauses. There are definitely things that are unglamorous. It’s not always roses and holding hands. Who will make dinner that night? Who’s going to make plans? The long moments of silence and monotonous parts of love are just as crucial as the punctuations of grand gestures.
You don’t shy away from writing about romantic tension. What makes a conflict or fight worth writing about?
Brontez Purnell: Conflict is just the other side of the coin of passion, right? So, the things that draw us together and make us hold each other passionately are the same things that will lead us into a fight. So it’s more about how we handle it. I think how we handle ourselves within a conflict determines the longevity of how our relationships will go.
Aliya didn’t respond to Euan’s Hinge request for days, almost cancelled the first date, and then showed up late. What do you think the story adds to conversations around dating etiquette today?
Brontez Purnell: People are always talking about how and what you should be doing on a date. But we all have so many weird situations on the daily, and it’s easy to take that for granted. You’re not that person’s boss. The fact that he was willing to compromise led to a great situation for him. It’s about the fact that it isn’t all easy, and sometimes, we have to compromise to have the things that we want. She did something that was not ideal but proved to be a girl worth waiting for.
Is there a person or situation in the story that resonated with your own life?
Brontez Purnell: I think I lean closer to Aliya’s style of life – the free spirit that is hard to pin down.
What makes a digital connection a compelling starting point for a story?
Brontez Purnell: Dating online opens you up to a wider field of people, and I think the more options you have, the better chance you have. So, if you’re willing to take the risk of getting outside your comfort zone, you’re more likely to succeed. We come from generations of humans who dated people just one or two degrees from their actual social circle. In the past, these people meeting and hanging out wouldn’t have had access to each other, and I think that’s probably the most compelling thing about it.
Did you learn anything new about your approach to relationships while writing Euan and Aliya’s story?
Brontez Purnell: I don’t want to sound defeatist, but if I die tomorrow, I have had two or three greatest loves of my life. Whenever I look back at those situations with empathy and generosity, I realise some people never get any and that I’ve indeed been lucky in love.
