While previous hosts of the Golden Globes completely bombed — *cough* Jo Koy *cough* — it’s without a doubt that pro-roaster Nikki Glaser stole the show with her charm. While her comedic stylings kept audiences laughing all night, it was the nixed jokes that had me in stitches.
It’s no secret that Glaser is known for her brutal, and I mean brutal, jokes. After all, we did get a hint of that savagery when she dropped the Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs joke in her 2025 Golden Globes monologue when she said Challengers was more sexually charged than the disgraced rapper.
However, during an interview on SiriusXM’s The Howard Stern Show on January 6, Glaser spilled on all the jokes that didn’t make the cut, admitting that she intended to have more Diddy jokes.
“Some of these [jokes] would get pitched, and we’re like, ‘we can’t say that on TV, we cannot say that to these people’s faces,’” Glaser laughed, insisting they be moved to the “Stern File”.
So, without further ado, here are the missing jokes from Gleson’s 2025 Golden Globes opening monologue.
What jokes did Nikki Glaser cut from her 2025 Golden Globes monologue?
Alec Baldwin and Beetlejuice
“Michael Keaton was so great in Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice and Alec Baldwin, sadly, did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them,” Glaser safely shared, referencing the Rust shooting which killed cinematographer Halyna Hutchins.
Glen Powell vs Luigi Mangione
“Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man. Who would have thought that by the end of the year, you’d only be the second hottest hit man in America.”
Alleged, second hottest hit man in America!!!
Denzel Washington, cocaine and Kate Winslet
“Denzel Washington is here. The only thing that has convinced more middle-aged men they could pull off an earring than Denzel Washington is cocaine,” she began.
“Kate Winslet is a lot like cocaine. She’s white. She’s always with Leonard DiCaprio, and I can’t wait to find her at the after-party tonight.”
Taking aim at the Golden Globes itself
“You know, it’s such an incredible honour to be here at the Golden Globes, Hollywood’s seventh most important night.”
Dax Shepard’s podcast
“The Golden Globes is the only show where you can see the biggest stars and movies and television joined together with the same goal — getting out of here tonight before Dax Shepard asked them to do his podcast.”
Diddy trial
“And think of it, this is the last time all of you will be in the same room together until the Diddy trial.”
Adrien Brody Holocaust joke
Prior to sharing this joke, Glaser revealed that this specific bit was supposed to come up after she addressed Adrien Brody, who has previously starred in The Pianist and Who Will Write Our History.
“So at one point in the show, I go, Oh, look, it’s two-time Holocaust survivor Adrien Brody,” she shared, which was a bit she did say on the night.
“And I said, you know, if Adrien Brody could go back in time, he would thank baby Hitler for his career.”
Glaser takes aim at Only Murder In The Building actors
“Only Murder In The Building is amazing and I think it’s so cool that legends like Steve Martin, Martin Short and Meryl Streep are still at it, putting out some of the best performances of their careers. It’s so inspiring. And it just goes to show you are never too old to still need money. Please don’t fight Jake Paul.”
The Wild Robot and Nicole Kidman
“The Wild Robot is nominated tonight. And by that, I mean Nicole Kidman after two white wines.”
Following the joke, Glaser said she believed the Babygirl actor would’ve been “cool with it”.
Daniel Craig in Queer
“Daniel Craig is nominated for his performance in Queer, which is a movie and not just what my uncle Chuckie calls Wicked.”
Nicolas Cage and Elvis
Unlike other celebs, the beloved Longlegs actor Nicolas Cage was supposed to cop two jokes from Glaser.
“Nicolas Cage is here tonight, looking well-rested after a night of sleeping in Elvis‘ coffin,” she began.
“Nicolas Cage is here, and so is the band of skeletons that follows him playing Ragtime jazz,” Glaser continued before adding that this one was “too weird”.
Amy Adams and Night Bitch
“Amy Adams is nominated for her performance in Night Bitch, while I was totally snubbed for my performance in ‘Day Slut’.”
Anora and Matt Gaetz
“The film Anora is nominated for four awards tonight. It’s been called the most unflinching look at sex work since Matt Gaetz’s payment history.”
Squid Games and Golden Globes comparisons
“Squid Games is a show where people starve themselves while ruthlessly competing for the ultimate prize. Oh, wait, no, sorry, that’s this show.”
Honestly, I wish all of these could’ve made it in. Controversial but fucking HILARIOUS.
Petitioning for Glaser to take on the Logies or the ARIAs or even better… the TikTok Awards.
