My girlfriend is furious because I won’t give her my social security number so she can run a background check

A man has revealed that his girlfriend demanded he hand over his social security number to her so she could conduct a background check on him – and when he refused, it lead to a massive fight.

The unnamed 27-year-old detailed the shocking situation in a Reddit thread titled, Am I The A**hole. 

He explained that he had been dating his girlfriend, 31, for just about a year. 

And while things had been going smoothly at first, they recently turned sour. 

The man noted that his lover had asked him to have a serious conversation, during which, she begged him to give her his social security number. 

The man immediately declined, sparking a fiery argument between them. 

The post was titled: ‘Am I the a**hole for not giving my girlfriend my social security number so she can run a background check on me?’ 

He explained: ‘I (27M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (31F) for almost a year now. 

‘This evening she sat me down and said she needed to have a serious conversation with me and she asked for my social security number. 

‘I said absolutely not, why would you need that?

‘And she told me about her ex-boyfriend that was basically living a double life. 

‘He had a bunch of criminal charges in his past that he’d never told her about and eventually exposed her to some sketchy and dangerous behavior before she broke things off after he cheated. 

‘I said, “OK, thank you for telling me that, but what does that have to do with my social security number?”

‘She said ever since then she’s had her friend who works for the federal government run background checks on people to make sure they’re safe, and because our relationship is progressing she needs to know I’m a safe partner for her so she wants my SSN to check my criminal history.

‘Now, for the record, I don’t even have a parking ticket. I’m a nerd and a gym rat, all I do is work, go to school, play Dungeons and Dragons, come home, watch anime, rinse and repeat, so I don’t care about a background check, she won’t find anything. 

‘But I’m not giving out my SSN. I don’t feel comfortable enough providing that to her friend.’ 

The man’s refusal to hand over such a private piece of information caused his girlfriend to become furious. 

He explained that his lover didn’t understand why he wouldn’t ease her worries and give her his social. 

‘When I said that she got upset and said I don’t understand what women go through and it’s about safety,’ he continued.

‘And I admitted she’s right, I have no idea what women go through, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving my SSN out to a complete stranger.

‘She says he isn’t a stranger he’s one of her best friends and married to a close friend of hers. 

‘And I said, “Honey that’s great, but I don’t know him, I don’t trust him because I don’t know him. That’s MY information you’re asking for, you can trust him with your personal information if you want, but no one I don’t know is getting my SSN or critical details. It’s just not happening.”‘

The man revealed that his girlfriend then told him that their romance ‘wouldn’t be able to progress’ unless he agreed to give her his social security number. 

‘I got up and left at that point and told her I respect her concerns, but her past trauma doesn’t give her the right to try and strong-arm me into giving out sensitive information to someone I don’t know just because he works for the federal government and has access to a database,’ he added.

‘I used to work for the federal government so I can say from experience, everyone working there isn’t some wonderful person.

‘I’m not assuming he’s a monster or anything, but just working for the feds doesn’t prove anything to me. 

‘She called me insensitive and hasn’t spoken to me since. Personally, I feel like she was gaslighting me into giving her what she wants but I’m not sure.’

People on the web flocked to the comments section to share their thoughts, and many ran to the man’s defense while slamming his girlfriend. 

One person said: ‘[Not the a**hole]. I am a federal employee who does have access to some systems like that in order to locate people and it is 100 percent against the law to use them for personal reasons.

‘In fact, we have to try all other reasonable ways to find someone before using these systems. There is something sketchy there. 

‘Also, you don’t need an SSN to do a background check. A name and address or birthdate are enough.’

Another user added: ‘I just said this same thing. She’s up to something. No one’s risking their career for this girl.’

Someone else commented: ‘NTA. You don’t even know if she’s telling you the truth. She should be stealing your SSN for all you know.’