My bitter friend is taking out her divorce on others after her husband left her for another woman – she’s losing all her friends
A woman has revealed how her best friend has ‘become so bitter’ after her husband left her that she is now ruining her friendships.
Taking to British parenting platform Mumsnet, the woman explained that her friend’s husband left her for a woman he met at work and her life has completely fallen apart.
The woman’s friends have rallied around to support her, taking her on days out and listening to her worries, however she has now started to turn on her close friend because her life used to resemble her happy home.
Some of her friends have started to distance themselves because it’s become too negative for them and the woman refuses to have counselling.
Many suggested that the poster should become ‘less available’ for her friend because her mental health will also suffer from being around her.
The post read: ‘We are all mid/late 40s. Friends for decades and live in close proximity for years. A year and a half ago my friends DH [darling husband] left her for a woman he met at work.
‘It has blown up the lives of my dear friend and her child – until this point she had the most lovely bohemian life possible, and was happily married and her life she says has fallen apart.’
The woman explained that their friend group has offered the most ‘amazing support’ to her and even planned dinners, days out and listened to her.
A woman has revealed how her best friend has ‘become so bitter’ after her husband left her that she is now ruining her friendships (stock image)
She added: ‘She is still devastated and depressed, and I know it’s been so difficult for her to come to terms with.’
However in the last few months she has started saying some ‘unkind statements’ to her mate, even once saying that she feels ‘so bitter’ that she had her life once and now it’s all gone.
The woman continued: ‘I took her out for a spa day and she complained about it all day, she didn’t even thank me, it was very costly and miserable day in the end.
‘Just lately she says ”oh your life is so perfect”, or comments unkindly about a new sweater and even said she feels ”sorry” for my DH!
‘Whilst I understand this has been awful, I am struggling to know how to navigate her bitterness and anger, it’s like my life mirrors her old life (which it did to be fair) and reminding her of everything she used to have/lost.
‘Some of our other friends have started to distance themselves because it’s become too much. My friend refuses to have counselling, even though it would greatly assist her process the changes happening to her.’
The woman also revealed that the separation has also left her friend in an awkward financial situation because her husband was the main breadwinner.
She added: ‘I feel like this is really coming between us now, but I don’t want to be insensitive, this has been so hard for her, I am not surprised she is angry, but it feels misdirected, maybe this is a normal stage, if so, when might it end?’
Taking to the British parenting platform, the woman explained that her mate’s husband left her for a woman he met at work and her life has completely fallen apart
People rushed to the comments with their own thoughts, with some claiming she should distance herself from her friend.
One person said: ‘I would back off from her, for now. I’d probably say something like “I’m going to take a step back from our friendship for the moment as I can see that my being around is upsetting for you” and see how she responds.
‘You can give her specific examples if she doesn’t know what you mean. She may not realise she’s doing it.
‘Regardless of what she has been through, you’re still important too, and you don’t have to be around someone who treats you like that.’
Another said: ‘She has been through something horrible, but she doesn’t get a free pass on decent behaviour because of it.
‘You are a person, you have been a good friend, and you deserve to be treated well and with respect. You are not there solely to support her or be an outlet for her anger.
‘You can distance yourself, and possibly consider telling her why. You can do this kindly. If she blows up, so be it. You will have conducted yourself in line with your values of decency and honesty – but she remains responsible for her own life.
‘I wouldn’t advise putting up with it, it will understandably breed resentment from you towards her, and the longer that dynamic persists the harder it will be to address without a complete relationship breakdown.’
Many suggested that the poster should become ‘less available’ for her friend because her mental health will also suffer from being around her
Someone else said: ‘I would pull back from this friendship. Negative people are so draining to be around, your mental health will suffer. It’s her responsibility to sort her life out and manage her emotions.’
A fourth said: ‘Wow she sounds nasty! I mean – she’s hurt and missing the life she had, I get it, the nastiness tho – how much are you willing to put up with? I would distance myself a little from now.
‘You’ve put up with it – given her an inch, she’s taken 17286382 miles – she believes she can get away with it because you all feel sorry for her – to what end tho?’
The poster added that her friend is now ‘completely different’ person who has no awareness of how hurtful her words are.
She added: ‘I guess my biggest worry is not her anger, that’s understandable, I am worried she will always see my life should have been hers and resent it, she is awful when she comes to lunch. Picking fault with everything, getting so drunk.
‘I can’t tell you how completely different she is, the things she says are so out of character, it reminds me almost of someone with dementia, she has no awareness of the impact of her words.
‘She asked a friend of ours how she is still married being so fat. It’s just so unlike her. I am at a loss.’
Many suggested that the woman needs to go to therapy to deal with her own emotions and should stop leaning on her friends.
Many suggested that the woman needs to go to therapy to deal with her own emotions and should stop leaning on her friends
One person said: ‘It’s interesting that she won’t countenance therapy or counselling, because she sounds absolutely overflowing with anger, which is a frightening thing to navigate without professional support.
‘I wonder if she’s scared at an instinctive level that if she starts letting it all out she may not be able to stop.’
Someone else added: ‘Tbh I can see why you would want to pull away but I feel like realistically you need to be there for her more than ever.
People need people the most when they are becoming so bitter and sad. It’s hard to love someone so difficult but it’s truly what she needs (and some therapy)’
