Welcome to the MAFS 2024 Episode 34 recap which will be our very last MAFS dinner party. Shit, the cast are well-fed this week.
Everyone’s reeling about Jono being a dirty dog after he was exposed texting Ellie since she left this MAFS experiment.
Tim is extremely disappointed in the bloke for texting behind Lauren‘s back. I’m proud of Sara for keeping a straight face knowing she’s done that very thing and more or less gotten away with it.
Lauren has demanded that Jono show her the messages between him and Ellie. However, I don’t think her schedule accounted for this jam-packed exchange.
Jono appears to have hit his head and is suffering from amnesia. He no longer remembers whether or not he mentioned his wife, Lauren, in the DMs with Ellie, or if he messaged Ellie while he and Lauren were in Perth (having sex).
Lauren thinks her husband is a “piece of shit” and I don’t disagree.
On the way to the final MAFS 2024 dinner party, Jono is maintaining his innocence and thinks that Lauren is “weaponising” this information. Jono also thinks that he’s let Lauren get away with things in the past.
“Bring it on,” Jono says. Is he okay?
Tori and Jack arrive to the dinner party first and get a taste of what it would be like if Jack wasn’t being an asshole every second of every day.
Lauren arrives solo and tells everyone that she’s read the messages between Ellie and Jono, including one where Jono and Ellie discussed meeting up on the Gold Coast.
Jono’s not too stressed on the way over, though. He’s a “big boy” who knows who he is, which is a good thing considering no one else does.
Jono arrives and greets everyone except for Lauren — a clear dig considering there are not many tributes left at this stage. It’s so awkward that Tim needs to talk about the asparagus to help lighten the mood. Dinner is served!
Everyone’s getting sentimental as they start eyeing the paid-partnerships light at the end of this tunnel. Jayden asks everyone to go around the table and toast to something about the experience they’ve had so far.
“Cheers for the friendships,” Tim starts.
Jayden wants it to be spicier than that!
“Cheers to Jack’s big mouth,” Ridge adds.
“Cheers to Jono texting Ellie,” says Sara.
Jono has decided to tell everyone that he messaged Ellie first, not the other way around.
John is doing the MAFS maths and knows that Jono has lied to him on the couch last night.
The first message from Jono was checking to see if Ellie made it out of the experiment well, which Jono believes is no big deal because he messages everyone from this 2024 MAFS season.
Why were Ellie and Jono talking about his birthday then, which Lauren saw in the messages? Apparently, Ellie made a joke about Jono coming to get botox when he turns 40 (rude). He replied by saying he turned 40 recently and asked where she was, with a laughing-crying-face emoji.
Passionate anti-cheater Jayden is loving how obvious it is that Jono’s full of poo.
Jono admits Ellie is attractive but doesn’t see anything with her in future, which is interesting given everything the audience knows at this point (spoilers here).
Tori would like to “pipe in” again.
“Based on the things that you’ve said, in your cute little safe space at the gym,” Tori starts. Oh dear, I can tell this will be good by how condescending it is already.
“Jack brought me some info and you were like, ‘Yeah I would’ve loved to have been [paired] with Ellie.’”
Jono looks shocked! Three seconds after said shock, Jono changes tune and says, “When Lauren and I were fighting, yeah ok, sure” with medium levels of sass and dismissiveness.
Lauren is genuinely confused. For her to be quietly asking Jono if what Tori’s claiming is true (instead of jumping on the opportunity to ark up) shows everything.
Confession boxes have arrived!
Tim’s asking Sara questions first.
Does she have regrets? Yes, many: lying to and hurting Tim, and, of course, hanging out with the ex in general.
Is Sara falling in love with Tim?
Sara explains that she can see “that” happening, which is a good on-the-spot answer from her. Well done.
Her turn to ask Tim questions!
Tim’s favourite thing about Sara is how upfront she is, but he doesn’t love how her fight style is focused on always being right.
Sara’s next question to Tim is, “Do you believe that I am over my ex?”
He confirms it’s still in the back of his head, but he believes that she is. I don’t!
Is Tim falling in love with her?
“I’ve definitely got a little thang for ya,” he says.
Time for Jack and Tori. He’s asking her questions first.
How could he have been a better partner to her?
She says Jack should’ve thought before he spoke.
How does Tori feel about Jack right now?
She says she feels “super close” with an “infatuation, almost”.
Does she think Jack will put in the effort for a long-distance relationship and that he’ll be faithful?
Tori says she feels anxious.
“You’re having a moment,” he responds, which is the most patronising way to support anyone, let alone your partner.
Is Tori falling in love?
“I could absolutely fall in love with you,” she says.
But she’s never been in love before!
Tori’s turn to ask the questions.
What worries Jack the most post-MAFS?
He’s concerned about how Tori’s feeling and how she’ll be during the time they’ll be in a long-distance relationship.
How’s Jack feeling about Tori?
He feels “proud” of her.
How attracted is Jack to Tori, sexually?
Jack admits it wasn’t there in the beginning but it begun sparking about a month ago. After home stays he was at a 9.5 out of 10 in the sexual attraction department.
“We’ve had a couple of goes and we align in the bedroom and it’s a good time.”
HAD A COUPLE OF GOES. I cannot.
Is he falling in love?
“I’m not in love with you but………………………………….I could be falling, yeah.”
“Kiss me,” Tori says to Jack, followed by, “Just fake it”.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Fake what!!!!
Ridge is now asking Jade questions.
Jade admits she was not expecting to fall for Ridge so quickly and is appreciative of all the things he’s done for her. He’s swept her off her feet!
It’s all very lovely until he bangs his chest like Tarzan and then Jade loses her shit.
“I’m not going to say nice things if you do that!!!”
Jade admits she has had a lot of reservations about Ridge’s immaturity, but eventually got past that.
“Two minutes ago, you displayed that same behaviour,” she schools him. It’s very funny.
Ridge is scared about the way he feels about Jade, because he’s never felt this way before. He’s “100 per cent” ready to be part of Jade and her daughter, V‘s, life.
“I want you more than anything. I’m keen and I’m ready to be that person for V.”
Ridge says he’ll be on the Gold Coast in three months and, at this rate, every person from the experiment will be up North.
Lauren and Jono’s turn. HERE. WE. GO.
Jono likes her (Lauren’s, not Ellie’s) energy and dislikes her “argument style”.
He has a lot of regrets. The biggest one is “texting Ellie”.
Is Lauren up to his standards as a “potential life partner”?
“Things would definitely need to change,” he says.
Lauren wants to know why things would need to change now, when recently he’s been blowing smoke up her ass. What’s changed?
He believes that when he apologised about the texts to Ellie, Lauren “went off” at him. Because she was “upset”.
Um, all I saw was her being very hurt. And I’ve seen Lauren yell before.
It’s time for Jono to ask Lauren some questions.
The rapid-fire answers from Lauren are amazing.
He does not live up to her expectations, she does not trust him and she thinks he’s a snake.
“That’s your opinion which I don’t care about anymore, Lauren,” Jono bites.
JONO! You asshole!
Jono claims he does not have feelings for Ellie, and that he thinks Ellie doesn’t have feelings for him, either.
“That’s something we’ll discuss at the reunion then,” Ridge says.
“I can’t wait for the reunion ‘cos Ellie can say the same thing,” Jono reckons.
Does he think he would’ve had a better experience if we was matched with Ellie?
“If I was matched with anyone else in this experience I feel like I would’ve had a much easier time, yes.”
ANYONE ELSE? Did he meet psychic medium Maddy?
“You are a joke,” Lauren tells him.
“Bullshit, Lauren,” he responds.
Poor girl. We know how this feels. Especially so soon after coitus.
We’ve moved on to another Gold Coast couple. Jayden tells Eden, “I love you.”
“I’ve been wanting to say it for so long,” Jayden adds, after the group has had a second to let off the party poppers.
Isn’t that nice. Too bad I miss Lucinda too much to care.
The MAFS finale including the final vows and reunion are kicking off from tomorrow! I can’t believe we’re at the end of this shit! What a ride it’s been. Thanks for coming along it with me.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer who you can follow on Instagram.
