Las Vegas return is thankfully without many of the grand claims of 2024

(Somewhere in the whole saga, it seems said bat might have been used as either the ding or dong in a ding-dong. The mind boggles.)

Still, my reckoning in this field is that when it comes to blues over leaguies sharing rooms while on tour, no one will get close to the great Tommy Raudonikis.

See, back in the late 70s, just before a NSW v Queensland match-up in Brisbane, Tommy found himself rostered to share a room with this brilliant kid on the rise, Steve Mortimer, the same upstart who was trying to beat him out for his halfback spot!

Worse still, when he gets to his room – as told to me by Tommy 35 years ago and confirmed by Steve – it is to find that young Mortimer had already thrown his kit on the double bed as if he was going to sleep there and Tommy could have the single one!

Vesuvius should be so spectacular in its explosion.

“Listen,” says Tommy, “You’re not f…ing state halfback yet, son! Bloody well back off! I’ll take the double bed!

And with that, Raudonikis picks up Mortimer’s bag, opens the window, and throws it outside down to the street six floors below. He waits for it to hit, bursting on the pavement with an appropriate explosion of clothes, underpants and effects, and then turns back to the youngster.

“And if you still want to go on with it, I’ll s..t in your bed, you know I will, and then we’ll see if you want to sleep there!”

Raudonikis got the bed, Mortimer went to get his stuff from downstairs.

And that, my Raiders friends, is how it is done.

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Matildas are more than just another sporting team

TFF had a go mid-week on dissecting the Marty Sheargold imbroglio where, out of nowhere, he simply and incontrovertibly drove the convertible bearing his strong radio career off a cliff by his completely over-the-top criticism of the Matildas.

In response, one commenter on my piece wrote:

“What if we take Sheargold’s comment and replace ‘Matildas’ with ‘Carlton’ or ‘NRL’ – is it offensive? These types of comments have been made about sporting teams before, but never with this outcry.”

Interesting point, yes, and on the money? If someone said they’d sooner drive a nail through the head of their penis than watch the NRL or Carlton is it less likely to be offensive, and most likely just the die-hard devotee of another code indeed going hard, yes? An opinion that strong and vulgar wouldn’t run in this paper, but if one said it on the radio you wouldn’t get a “Don’t Come Monday”, and instead be in receipt of some vulgar social media posts.

But, in terms of responding to the point made, the eloquence of another SMH reader nailed it.

“The Matildas are a proud, contemporary expression of Australian exceptionalism. There is no place anywhere, let alone FM radio, for their unique blend of feminist trailblazing and Antipodean reimagining to be sullied or subjugated.”

Does that make them untouchable? Nup. It just notes that in the zeitgeist, they are far more than just another sporting team. They are the pioneers of nothing less than an important movement that has inspired many, and you piss on that at your peril.

‘A cross between a portable toilet and putt-putt’

I told yers she was strong. This is Sally Jenkins in the Washington Post on the mooted reunification of LIV Golf and the PGA Tour.

“Take your average pig sty, trample it into ooze with the feet of dozens of pork-chasers until it’s such a slimy mire that no clean shoe can gain purchase, wreath it in a clammy fog constituted by the greedy breath of zombie opportunists with dead dull cash-staring eyes, and there you have the ‘reunification’ of golf. Let’s just say it: The deal the PGA Tour is pursuing with its Saudi rivals is filthy. LIV Golf, the circuit bankrolled by the same Saudis the PGA Tour now courts, is as commercially appealing as a cross between a portable toilet and putt-putt.”

I have tried, several times, but couldn’t remotely put it better myself. My only question is how long such a wonderful, fearless writer as Jenkins can remain at a paper owned by Jeff Bezos, who is putting ever more Trumpian controls on his paper as to what can and can’t be published.

WHAT THEY SAID

The fact that the New York Yankees are repealing their famous facial hair policy, has made American columnists recall the time, back in the day when Yankee slugger, Lou Piniella, pushed back on the edict, pointing out that Jesus had long hair and a beard, only for owner George Steinbrenner to point to a pond and reply: “Walk across that pond, and you can have a beard and long hair.”

Triple M’s Marty Sheargold last Monday morning, took the long handle to the Matildas: “You know what they remind me of? Year 10 girls. All the infighting and all the friendship issues, ‘The coach hates me and I hate bloody training and Michelle’s being a bitch’.” Alas, he was just warming up.

Sheargold again: “Oh, God. The Asian Cup. I’d rather hammer a nail through the head of my penis than watch that.” He had resigned by Wednesday arvo. Generally highly regarded as a broadcaster, this was an inexplicable error of judgement.

Anthony Albanese on Sheargold’s comments: “Completely unacceptable. The ’Tillies are just legends. It’s just not funny, it’s offensive. And these are great athletes, they performed so well to get to the semis in the World Cup, but even if they didn’t, so what? They were doing their best … [they’re] better footballers than all the blokes who are critiquing them.”

Libby Trickett: “My heart just broke for all of the little girls, you know, particularly grade 10 girls who were named in the segment who might have been heading to sports training that morning and just would be so heartbroken to hear someone blatantly just saying that they’re sub-par.”

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau tweeted after the national side defeated the USA in ice hockey, not long after Donald Trump had been blathering about making Canada the 51st state: “You can’t take our country – and you can’t take our game.”

Sharks player Cameron McInnes on being in Vegas: “Obviously, there’s going to be some good experiences but sitting in a casino and things like that isn’t one of them. I don’t think the boys are too interested in that anyway.”

Peter V’landys on the double-edged sword of selling the TV rights for too much: “We don’t want to make it unaffordable for our fans. We want to make sure whatever deal we do, that it’s affordable for the fan to buy a subscription because it’s a waste of time if you get all this money and your fans can’t watch your game.”

NBL supremo Larry Kestelman on finding the right investor for the Tasmania JackJumpers: “The number one driver was to make sure we found the right person, and I can openly say I could have sold the club for more, substantially more, to other buyers who I wasn’t comfortable with. Anecdotally, some of them didn’t even know where Tasmania was.”

Jenni Hermoso after Luis Rubiales was found guilty for his forced kiss: “After everything, this will create an important precedent in society, where there is still much work to do. My heart is full of each person who was with me and will stay with me in this fight. And now, it is over.”

Ian Chappell on hanging up the pen: “In my playing days I asked former Australia captain Richie Benaud if retirement was a difficult decision. ‘No Ian,’ Benaud replied wisely, ‘It’s easy. You’ll know the right time.’ Always astute, Benaud was correct. Retirement from journalism is similar to cricket – I knew the time was right.”

White Ribbon CEO Merinda March on why her organisation is ending all association with the NRL after its leaders publicly begged Donald Trump and Dana White – both of whom have a shocking history of mistreating women – to come to Las Vegas: “While the NRL continues to promote their association with us, this decision by the NRL is wildly misaligned with our values and lacks integrity and respect.” Like I told yers.

Team of the Week

Matildas. Eppure, si muove. Eighteen months ago, they were Australia’s team and this columnist for one opined they had surpassed the Australian Test cricket team in terms of popular following. Alas, there has been precious few wins since, and – as I think someone mentioned –at the SheBelieves Cup they just lost all three matches.

Finn Callaghan. GWS star rejected $17 million over 10 years from St Kilda.

Young Socceroos. Qualified for the Under 20 World Cup for the first time since 2013.

Sydney Swans. Start their season next Friday night.

Maya Joint. Aged just 18, the Australian-American has just cracked the top 100 of WTA rankings.

Amy MacMahon. Has been announced as the new president of Coalition for the Protection of Greyhounds. I am told she is a cross between a good egg and a firecracker. Born for the gig.

Alexia Phillips. The Kiwi broke the women’s world shearing record this week, removing the pelts of a staggering 367 ewes in eight hours!

Tim Maximoff. Back in 1975, my classmate won the Under-15 400m freestyle in a record time of 4.14.50 seconds, a record, I was advised this week, which still stands. My question: are there other schoolboy and schoolgirl records in Sydney schools that beat this extraordinary 50-year mark?

@Peter_Fitz