Intimacy coordinator reveals fascinating tricks they use to make screen sex look real

It’s easy to assume the chemistry between actors is all too real as we watch steamy sex scenes unfold on the big screen, but an intimacy coordinator has revealed how these sizzling moments are designed to fool the viewer’s eye.

Rebekah Wiggins, an intimacy coordinator with a background in acting, directing, special effects and choreography, shared the riveting truth behind these spicy moments in an exclusive interview with DailyMail.com.

Turns out, what appears to be passionate physical intimacy is actually a carefully crafted illusion – designed to make it look like actors are engaging in sexual relations, when in fact, they may not even be touching each other at all.

‘That’s the beauty of the human mind and the human eye,’ Wiggins said. ‘We fill the space and we fill the story.

‘The emotions are real, but the physicality is an illusion.’ 

Wiggins, who has been an intimacy coordinator on several projects including the 2024 film Love Lies Bleeding, has worked as an actress, director, cosmetologist and choreographer herself for years.

Choreography, she explained, is one of the most important elements of these scenes, stating that if ‘the actress can repeat, then it can be directed’.

‘It can be like – okay, let’s speed up the pacing, or let’s slow down the breath or let’s laser in on eye contact based on the emotional goal of the scene work,’ she said.

While sex scenes may appear real to a certain extent, they are carefully crafted to ensure the actors’ comfort, often involving the use of padding and other techniques to create the illusion while maintaining privacy.

‘We use paddings, like dance belts,’ Wiggins said. 

‘There’s also inserts, or cups. If there’s any chain work that looks like nudity is happening, generally the performer has on what’s called a sheboo or a heboo – a sideless, backless bra for the performer,’ she added. ‘So it’s covering any genitals for the performer.’

Interestingly, Wiggins explained that in the physicality portion of the scene, when she’s choreographing, she’s ‘cheating the space’ – making it appear as though the actors are much closer than they actually are. 

‘I’m leaving space between the bodies where people aren’t having to touch unless we’re needing to see that for the shot, and then we simply adjust for that shot,’ she said.

‘And then move back to choreography with anchor points so that it looks real, and you can get the physical movement in place, but you’re cheating the space,’ she added. ‘That’s the beauty of the human mind and the human eye.’     

If done correctly, the audience would never suspect that it was staged, and intimacy coordinators wouldn’t even be able to tell which movies and shows used one.

‘I can’t tell the difference. Which is good, right?’ Wiggins said. ‘It should look real, if it’s choreographed well, and you’re utilizing the camera and masking techniques and depth perception sheets, it should all look real.’ 

While working on the upcoming 2025 Netflix show Ransom Canyon, Wiggins explained how she is always on the monitor – watching and seeing how the scene is playing out in real time.

‘You can’t really tell the difference unless someone explicitly says in an interview, we did or we did not have an intimacy coordinator on this,’ she said.

‘I think you should never be able to tell, it should all look real.’   

The rise of intimacy coordinators 

In recent years, the role of intimacy coordinators has skyrocketed in the entertainment industry, as the demand for safe and respectful portrayals of intimate scenes continue to grow.

However, the position wasn’t really created or generated until 2017, ‘which is wild to think about’, Wiggins told DailyMail.com.

‘It was really needed,’ she said. ‘It was when all the (Harvey) Weinstein cases were coming forward and the #MeToo movement had erupted.’

Recently just one of 25 intimacy coordinators worldwide, Wiggins first stepped into the role back in 2019.

With nearly two decades of experience as a member of The Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, she found a natural comfort in the position, drawing from her own past experiences to guide others.

‘It’s such a beautiful thing, you know, as an actor,’ she said. ‘I definitely was put in positions where you really feel – especially in those sequences – so vulnerable and like a meat puppet, for lack of a better word.’

Without the presence of an intimacy coordinator, Wiggins explained, actors can face significant risks when performing erotic scenes, especially if they have past trauma.

‘The problem is, if you have any kind of trauma history, you can really disassociate from your body and that can be very damaging,’ she said.

‘It’s like, ‘Oh shoot, we’re doing this sequence, and I didn’t even realize that I busted my knee on this table, because I’m out of my body while the experience is happening.”

The beauty of having intimacy coordinators on set, according to Wiggins, is that they help actors stay present and connected to their own bodies, ensuring regular visual check-ins with one another and maintaining a sense of control over who they are beyond the scene.

‘It makes for a longer career for actors as well – more longevity to be able to do work like that because you’re protected,’ she said, comparing it to a trainer at the gym guiding you to avoid injury during workouts.

‘Even if you’re invoking all of the emotional work, you’re protecting the body so that the body can be this safe place for the emotions to run, and so intimacy coordinating is an extension of that,’ she added. 

‘It is an extension of stunts and protecting the body for the longevity of the performer, so that they can be emotionally heavy lifting, but not physically.’ 

Many intimacy coordinators, however, have expressed their astonishment at why it took the eruption of the Weinstein cases for the role to be implemented on sets, highlighting the industry’s delayed recognition of the need for such a position.

Alicia Rodis, hired as an intimacy coordinator on the final two seasons of The Deuce, told Rolling Stone that she ‘didn’t understand the scope of just how much this had been ignored, and for how long’.

‘There is such a power dynamic on sets, so much pressure and this sense that [as an actor] you just suck it up and do it,’ she told Rolling Stone.

Wiggins concurred, telling DailyMail.com how she ‘always wondered why it was never a thing’, noting how it makes production ‘fly’ as actors can simply focus on the emotional work of the scene.    

‘I am so happy and hopeful that this position was even created,’ she said. ‘It’s not even something that I thought about that I needed as an actor, until I started doing it.’

‘It just made me kind of sad to think I did so many years with so many bad experiences, myself as an actor,’ she added. ‘I wish I had someone like me to be there when I was 22 and just getting started.’ 

‘Back then, there was no one you could go to. What was protected was those most in power and those with the most finance. It’s really beautiful to watch the world change, the one I’ve been a part of for two decades.’ 

Gwyneth Paltrow’s stance 

The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, or AMPTP, now consists of something called ‘best practices’, where the production has to try their very best to pull on an intimacy coordinator anytime there is simulated sex or nudity.

Yet some actors and directors have expressed reluctance towards their involvement on set, despite the role gaining significant traction over recent years.

Gwyneth Paltrow is among the few who have been hesitant towards the practice, particularly during filming of Marty Supreme, which marked her first lead performance since 2010 alongside her co-star Timothée Chalamet.

The 52-year-old Hollywood star revealed to Vanity Fair that she had no idea intimacy coordinators had even ‘existed’, expressing surprise when they checked in to ask if she was comfortable with a specific scene.

‘I was like: ‘Girl, I’m from the era where you get naked, you get in bed, the camera’s on,” Paltrow told the outlet. 

Chalamet, who was 28 at the time of filming, agreed, leading to the pair asking the intimacy coordinators to take a step back.

I don’t know how it is for the kids who are starting out,’ Paltrow told Vanity Fair. ‘I would feel, as an artist, very stifled by that.’

However, Paltrow is one of the reasons behind the industry shift, as she was one of the first high-profile stars to accuse Weinstein of making sexual advances on her at 22-years-old while she was in his hotel suite and on the cusp of filming her first starring roll.

‘There are no meetings set up in hotel rooms, from what I understand, or if there are, it’s multiple people in a room,’ she said. ‘The bubble has definitely burst.’

‘I’m sure people still abuse power in Hollywood because they do everywhere, but it has definitely changed.’

Paltrow is not alone in the voices of those who have criticized the utilization of intimacy coordinators on set.

Sean Bean, who plays Ned Stark on the HBO series Game of Thrones, has said that their presence ‘spoils the spontaneity’ of scenes, according to The Guardian.

Jennifer Aniston has also dismissed the use of an intimacy coordinator while filming the Apple TV drama series, The Morning Show, alongside her co-star, Jon Hamm.

‘I’m like: ‘Please, this is awkward enough!’ We’re seasoned – we can figure this one out,’ Aniston told Variety.

‘It’s surprising to me,’ Wiggins told DailyMail.com. ‘I have been very fortunate in that most actors were so excited and grateful for an intimacy coordinator on set.’

‘People can get used to kind of handling things themselves, where they shouldn’t have had to when they were a young individual in the industry.’

Despite the support, Wiggins shared that she, too, has encountered resistance to the role of intimacy coordinators, recalling moments on set when she felt unfairly perceived as the ‘sex police’ – a misconception she quickly dispelled. 

‘That’s the opposite of what I do,’ she explained. ‘What I find is when I’m met with resistance, it’s generally because people don’t understand the position.’ 

According to Wiggins, intimacy coordinators are there not to enforce rules or restrictions, but to ensure safety, comfort and clear communication, creating a space where actors can perform intimate scenes with both confidence and control. 

‘For all humans, if you’re doing any kind of choreography for simulated sex, that is a very vulnerable space,’ she added. ‘I think people don’t realize that we are there to make the experience – I don’t want to say safer, because in acting you have to take risks – but supported.’

‘People can get used to kind of handling things themselves, where they shouldn’t have had to when they were a young individual in the industry.’

Wiggins told DailyMail.com that some of the hesitation may come from many actors who never previously had an advocate.

‘They just didn’t have an advocate,’ she said. ‘They didn’t have someone asking if they are okay with a piece of choreography, or if they are okay with the scene they are in.’ 

Many actors have voiced deep respect for intimacy coordinators on set, with numerous performers acknowledging that their presence was critical in creating a comfortable and supportive environment during filming. 

Nicole Kidman told The Sun that intimacy coordinators helped her feel comfortable during shooting the A24-made film, Babygirl, her most erotic project to date.

‘I’m a huge believer still in the sacredness of the set and the actors’ space and it never being violated,’ she told the outlet. ‘It’s ours, it’s the bubble and then there’s the outside world.’

Harris Dickinson, Kidman’s co-star in the 2025 film, agreed, praising both the intimacy coordinator and the co-coordinator on set during production.

‘She was important for the film and broke unnecessary barrier and conversation around what you have to do,’ he said. 

The Deuce, a semi-fictional HBO drama series telling the story of the germination of the sex-trade industry in the heart of New York’s Times Square back in the 1970s, utilized an intimacy coordinator on the final two seasons of the show.

David Simon, the showrunner of the project, hired intimacy coordinator Alicia Rodis to be on set during erotic scenes, despite being initially weary about the practice.

One of his fears stemmed from the possible loss of creative control, a concern he believes is shared industry-wide.

‘There’s a little bit of fear of that,’ Simon told Indie Wire. ‘If you’ve ever worked with somebody before and you’re a producer, you’re thinking, ‘I don’t want them legislating the story.”

‘She’s so fluid about what the camera has to capture, but at the same time what the actors need for comfort and protection,’ he added.

‘She was not only protecting the actors, she was also protecting the story. She wasn’t against the production.’

Grey’s Anatomy and Bridgerton creator Shonda Rhimes has also publicly expressed her strong support for intimacy coordinators, stating that she finds them incredibly empowering for actors on set.

‘I’m very strongly for the fact that we have intimacy coordinators, who can then work with the actors to make sure they’re comfortable in doing everything,’ Rhimes told Entertainment Weekly.

‘I always say, ‘If you wanna do a love scene in a snowsuit, do a love scene in a snowsuit, we’ll figure it out,” she added. ‘To let them have that freedom is really empowering for actors.’

Difference between porn and intimacy coordinators  

Porn and the work of intimacy coordinators are very different, as they serve two completely different purposes for satisfaction – one physical, one emotional.

‘The beautiful thing about intimacy coordinating is it just needs space for more creativity,’ Wiggins told DailyMail.com. ‘We can always make something. It’s all about hitting an emotional goal.’

She added: ‘Porn is about hitting a physical goal. This is not porn, we’re not making porn. We’re making film. We’re making cinema. That is an emotional goal.’

If two people are kissing on screen, she explained, and then the shot cuts to them the next morning in bed appearing to be in a state of undress, humans can automatically put two and two together, filling in the blanks as to what happened.

‘I love working with actors and just the art of embodying the human condition,’ Wiggins added.   

Her role on set includes reviewing scripts, collaborating with directors, actors, and other departments to emphasize the importance of clear communication, and meeting with individual actors to ensure they are knowledgeable, comfortable, and fully consenting to the scene they are about to perform. 

When actors are filming on location, whether that be a cold climate or tropical beach, intimacy coordinators make sure the actors have what they need while filming as well.

‘I’m like, can we get space heaters for the actors? Do we have warm, fuzzy robes for them?’ Wiggins said. ‘I also have a whole kit myself that I bring for the actors to make sure they have all the costume pieces they might need’ – anything from pasties to cover nipples to a dance belt for the gentlemen. 

Additionally, Wiggins personally utilizes ‘closing practices’ for the actors, bringing along meditation eye masks, weighted blankets and essential oils to use after the scene is completed.

‘It’s about re-centering yourself,’ Wiggins said.

‘I encourage them to bring kind of closing tools,’ she added. ‘Then I always check in with people the day after and ask how they’re doing.’

Intimate scenes are filmed on a closed set, typically involving the necessary crew members needed to complete the process.

Once you step out of the more private scene and back onto the main set, you’re immediately surrounded by massive cranes, moving equipment and a whirlwind of chaos.

‘You really have to be able to build kind of this shield around yourself,’ Wiggins said, reiterating the importance of her closing practices. 

‘Moving the energy so it doesn’t get stuck in the body,’ she added. ‘I think one of the biggest factors in making great actors is being present.

‘Coming back to intimacy coordinating, if you’re invoking all of the emotional work. you’re protecting the body so that the body can be this kind of safe place for the emotions to run – intimacy coordinating is an extension of that.’