I went to China to teach women about sex. These are the culture shocks I noticed instantly – and the similarities I never expected
An Australian sexologist has lifted the lid on the surprising cultural differences she’s noticed while working in China – from open attitudes toward bodily functions to challenges in discussing consent.
Kiki Maree, a sexologist and educator, has been in China hosting women’s pleasure-focused workshops and training local women in introductory sex coaching.
Initially invited for a week-long stint in December, she has since returned for a month-long stay and is now considering relocating indefinitely.
Kiki has been documenting her experience on social media, sharing her observations on the stark contrasts between Chinese and Western attitudes towards women’s bodies, ageing, and social etiquette.
‘Experiencing how different cultures navigate bodies, gender, and identity expands our understanding of what’s possible.
‘When we learn from each other, we break free from shame, challenge norms, and grow into deeper empowerment,’ Kiki told FEMAIL.
Women openly burp and fart – and no one cares
One of the first things Kiki noticed was the lack of stigma around bodily functions like farting and burping.
An Australian sexologist has lifted the lid on the surprising cultural differences she’s noticed while working in China
Kiki Maree, a sexologist and educator, has been in China hosting women’s pleasure-focused workshops and training local women in introductory sex coaching
Initially invited for a week-long stint in December, Kiki has since returned for a month-long stay and is now considering relocating indefinitely
‘I can’t express how good it feels to just expel air that needs to be expelled whenever it feels necessary,’ she said.
While these actions are considered impolite in both cultures, she noted that in the West, women in particular are expected to ‘act like a lady’ and suppress natural bodily functions.
People on Chinese forums revealed that while it was considered common to burp openly in front of other people, it is ‘shunned’ by those of a higher social class.
An expat working in China wrote on Reddit, ‘Even female colleagues routinely burp right in front of my face after lunch at work. Blows my mind even after many years here.’
Another teacher said: ‘Table manners in China tend to vary by social class, economic status, age, and location.
‘Having discussed table manners with at least a couple thousand students over the years, I always found it interesting that “chewing with your mouth closed” rarely gets mentioned as a taboo or a “don’t”.
‘Belching has never come up in discussion at all as far as I remember. Most of the table manners my students mention relate to interacting with the food, tableware, and other people at the table.’
Some examples of ‘bad’ table manners include pushing food around on communal plates, making noise with your chopsticks and the bowl, and eating a dish before your elders try it.
Kiki has been documenting her experience on social media, sharing her observations on the stark contrasts between Chinese and Western attitudes towards women’s bodies, ageing, and social etiquette
The teacher added, ‘If I had to generalise, I would say that belching and eating food loudly are less often seen as overtly disgusting in China when compared to the US, for example.’
Ageism exists – but it’s even more intense
Historically, pale skin, slim figures, and a round face were seen as signs of wealth and good fortune in China.
Kiki also observed that ageism in China is just as present as in the West – but with harsher social expectations placed on women.
‘I’ve heard some pretty gross comments about women ageing, none of which I want to repeat,’ she admitted.
While ageism affects women globally, she believes the pressure to remain youthful is especially intense in China, particularly when it comes to beauty standards and marriage expectations.
Maintaining a youthful appearance is also evident in the kinds of beauty treatments that are popular in Asia – all aimed at ‘preserving’ or ‘restoring’ a young, fresh look.
According to Absolute Beauty Plastic Surgery, a popular treatment spot in Korea, go-to procedures include face lifts, skin rejuvenation, and non-invasive techniques to combat signs of ageing.
‘Experiencing how different cultures navigate bodies, gender, and identity expands our understanding of what’s possible,’ Kiki said
Kiki has embraced the opportunity to fully immerse herself in Chinese culture, learning not just how to support women in China, but also how to learn from them
On the other hand, while Western cultures value youthfulness, there’s also a shifting trend towards ageing gracefully.
Consent is ‘almost impossible’ to promote
One of the biggest cultural shocks for Kiki has been the reaction to discussions about consent – especially considering the age of consent is only 14 in China.
Several Chinese law makers and legal experts have suggested raising the age to at least 16 – like it is in New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory, Queensland, and Northern Territory – because while 14-year-olds may be physically mature, they are unlikely to be mentally or emotionally ready for sexual activity.
Academics Yiwen Xu, Yingxin Ye, and Shangze Huang argue that the number of cases of sexual assault against minor women under the age of 16 is concerning and the current laws do not protect them.
‘I’m almost seen as crazy for talking about [consent],’ Kiki revealed.
While the concept of affirmative consent is still evolving in Western cultures, Kiki said that in China, it’s barely acknowledged – making her work as a sex educator particularly challenging.
A few other Asian countries are similar in terms of their views on sexual consent.
One of the most heartwarming differences Kiki has observed is the way Chinese women refer to one another
For example, the age of consent in Japan was 13 until major reforms in 2023 raised it to 16.
The change was made after public outrage and nationwide protests due to a series of acquittals in several cases of sexual abuse and increasing incidents of sexual images and videos taken of children and women without their consent.
Japanese society did not consider the young age an issue because of the society’s focus on conservatism.
Women refer to each other as ‘sister’ and ‘auntie’
One of the most heartwarming differences she has observed is the way Chinese women refer to one another.
‘Women here call each other ‘sister’ or ‘auntie’ depending on their age, which feels really nice,’ she said.
She noted that similar terms of endearment exist in some Western communities, particularly among First Nations Australians, but they are far less common in mainstream Australian culture.
Such words are used as general terms of respect for older women or to acknowledge their seniority and show deference.
Kiki is currently weighing up whether to stay in China long-term, with plans to return in April to explore whether this could be her new home for the next few years
Kiki also observed that ageism in China is just as present as in the West – but with harsher social expectations placed on women
For instance, ‘auntie’, ‘sister’, ‘uncle’, and ‘brother’ are used to address friends of parents, parents of friends, or elder acquaintances in general.
Menstrual blood is not hidden away
Perhaps the most surprising difference Kiki has encountered is the way menstrual blood is handled in public restrooms.
Unlike in the West, where there is an ingrained expectation to wrap sanitary products before discarding them, she noticed that in China, pads and toilet paper with menstrual blood are often placed in waste bins unwrapped and fully visible.
‘In the West, there’s such an ingrained expectation to hide menstrual blood, wrapping pads meticulously before discarding them, as if it’s something shameful,’ she explained.
‘But here, menstrual blood is just there – not concealed, not hushed away.
‘And honestly, I think that’s incredible.
‘Imagine growing up as a little girl seeing menstrual blood openly in bathrooms, instead of absorbing the shame, stigma, and secrecy that so often surrounds it.’
Kiki believes this kind of visibility could help normalise periods and dismantle taboos, which still persist in many cultures.
She has embraced the opportunity to fully immerse herself in Chinese culture, learning not just how to support women in China, but also how to learn from them.
Kiki is currently weighing up whether to stay in China long-term, with plans to return in April to explore whether this could be her new home for the next few years.
