I was so terrified before my first smear test I burst into tears… this is why I’ll never put it off again

Lying in a sterile room partially naked while someone I’ve just met probes my cervix is hardly a way I like to spend an afternoon.

I was so scared ahead of my first smear test that I put off booking it for nearly a year. Once I did get in the room, I almost immediately burst into tears.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I remember telling the kindly nurse in front of me. ‘I’m terrified. This is a really big deal for me.’

After I had composed myself, I explained that I – just like millions of other women in the UK – have a medical condition which meant I knew I was in for an uncomfortable smear experience.

Vaginismus – a condition which causes pain whenever something is inserted into the vagina – is just one of a myriad of reasons why women like me can be left anxious, or even traumatised, at the prospect of a pap smear. I can’t even use tampons for my periods: the prospect of a metal speculum entering my vagina is up there with my worst fears.

Even without a medical condition like mine, smear tests are infamously scary for many women. Not only are you vulnerable – half-naked, fully exposed on a table – you are also allowing a complete stranger to poke and prod at your most intimate areas.

Having never had a smear before I felt afraid, embarrassed and plain ignorant ahead of my pap, and for anyone who has experienced medical or sexual trauma, it’s easy to see why this can turn into outright panic.

So it’s little wonder – if worrying – that according to the latest figures, around 30 percent of women aged 25 to 64 in England did not get a cervical smear or were not up to date with their screening in 2023.

Partly to blame is the continued taboo surrounding the test: there are many reasonable adjustments we can ask for, but just one in ten women are aware of them, a recent study by The Eve Appeal found.

Fortunately, I was one of the first school years to be eligible for the HPV vaccine – so my chances of getting cervical cancer are, statistically at least, very low. But it is one of the most common cancers in women around the world, and one woman still dies from the disease every two minutes.

For months I debated simply not going – perhaps never going. But a small voice in the back of my head knew that the chances of me one day developing cervical cancer, while reduced, are not zero. 

So after receiving several reminder letters in the post I finally turned to my therapist for help, researched my rights and booked an appointment at my GP surgery.

To my surprise, booking the test was surprisingly easy. For all the bureaucracy and delays in the NHS, I was able to get an time within a matter of weeks.

I double-checked with the receptionist it would be with a woman – this isn’t guaranteed, but anyone can ask for a female nurse or doctor to carry out the test. If this is impossible, you can also ask for a female chaperone to be in the room throughout – whether that’s a friend or family member, or a female member of staff from the surgery. Then I asked for a double appointment slot to be booked, allowing time for my anticipated trauma-fuelled breakdown to take place.

On the day of the test itself, I made sure to stay hydrated and took ibuprofen half an hour before the time of the appointment. When the kindly nurse called my name in the waiting room, I felt a wave of anxiety wash over my whole body. As I stood up, I seriously contemplated making a dash for the exit doors. But taking a deep breath, I managed to follow the nurse and take a seat inside her room.

Tears aside, it was deeply reassuring to hear the nurse explain exactly what she would be doing and how long it would take. After explaining the intricacies of my body, she opted to use the smallest speculum possible, along with extra lubrication, to try and make it as pain-free as she could.

And as for the actual test itself – it took less than 30 seconds. It was over practically as soon as it began.

I’m not going to pretend my first pap smear was pleasant – it wasn’t. But I was genuinely surprised at how accommodating and helpful staff were throughout the process.

They listened to me, took my medical history seriously and gave me all the information I needed. Most importantly, my nurse made sure I felt in control of what was about to happen and that I knew I could tell her to stop at any time.

Most reassuring was the fact I received the all-clear within a month. In England, we are lucky to have our results so quickly. In Northern Ireland, women were recently waiting as long as six months for theirs. That’s 182 days of worry, wondering if they are about to receive news that will change their lives forever.

Despite knowing I would have a more difficult smear test than the majority of women, having had such a positive experience I won’t think twice about going for my second.

For anybody debating whether to go to their screening, I felt such a strong sense of relief leaving that surgery. I did my research, knew exactly what to ask for and advocated for myself with my health professionals.

Twenty seconds of mild discomfort for the knowledge that I don’t have cancer – it’s a no-brainer.

How to make your first smear test more comfortable – according to the experts 

Women are typically first invited to have a smear test around six months before they turn 25.

They are then invited every three years until the age of 64 – although they may be asked to return more frequently if any HPV cells are found.

It is never too late to book your first smear test, but it is bound to be nerve-wracking whatever your age.

Here MailOnline spoke to women’s health experts to find out how women can make their smear test more comfortable.

Dr Ellie Cannon said that for any women who may be nervous about the test, knowledge is power.

‘I would recommend watching or reading about the test to find out what it is actually like,’ she said.

‘You can ask for a nurse appointment just to talk through a smear test before you even have one. I would also advise people to look at the Eve appeal online, which is filled with useful information.’

She added that cervical screening is vital as it is the only test for women that can actually prevent cancer.

‘Now that the test has changed so it looks for HPV, we are picking up more cervical cancer than ever before and preventing more cervical cancer than ever before,’ she said.

‘It’s the only test that literally prevents cancer. By picking up HPV cells, we can then look for further issues to stop a person ever actually getting cancer.’

Dr Phillipa Kaye added that patients should not be afraid to talk to their practitioner openly about their concerns.

‘Talk to us. We want to do it the way you feel the most comfortable. So if you want us to stop or need to take a breath, we will do it.

‘It’s important to understand why someone feels what they feel. Taking the time to communicate and support the patient – often there is some fear or worry we can counter.’

Both said women can feel more comfortable during the test if they wear clothing that helps them to feel relaxed – such as a dress or skirt which means a patient does not have to undress, or a baggy T-shirt or jumper so they still feel covered.

Dr Kaye added: ‘There are lots of things that we can do [to make the test more comfortable], because while it may be uncomfortable, it shouldn’t be painful.

‘You can ask for a smaller speculum and you can insert it yourself. Having that control over the speed of the speculum can make a big difference.’

Dr Kaye advises to take a trusted love one along to the appointment if concerned, so that a patient feels supported.

Dr Cannon added that women can request a double appointment slot for the test.

‘It’s really important that you’re not rushed – a smear test shouldn’t be something that you fit in in five minutes or during a lunch break. It’s worth taking the morning or afternoon off work.’

Finally, Dr Kaye told MailOnline it’s important to remember that the vast majority of tests will come back negative for HPV.

‘And for those that don’t, often the body can clear the HPV virus on its own,’ she continued.

‘Thankfully any cell changes are usually fairly slow. But if you test positive for HPV and negative for any cell changes, then we will call you back for a follow-up test in a year.

‘If changes are seen, then you will be offered further advice and treatment if needed.’ 

Results should arrive in between 2-6 weeks, according to Cancer Research, but doctors advise women to check in with their GPs if they still haven’t got their results within a month.