I could handle their lies and sleazy looks from their husbands… until I heard the sick rumour of how I lost my baby weight: A shockingly candid account of being singled out as the ‘bad mum’ at the school gate

With my head down, I quickly walked back to my car after dropping my kids off at school, trying not to make eye contact with the other parents.

Then I noticed him – one of the dads, who looked vaguely familiar.

I didn’t know his name but he knew mine, or at least my stage name. I could tell from the way he glanced twice at me that he recognised my tattoos. I’d been the stripper at a bucks party he attended the previous weekend.

Was it awkward to know a father from my children’s school had seen me naked? Yes, but that’s far from the only humiliation I face daily at the suburban school gate.

Sensing his gaze, I quickened my pace, trying to avoid Stacey*, a jealous mum who has always given me a hard time just because of who I am. She has accused me of taking drugs before, which is completely false.

At the end-of-year school lunch a few years ago, after I had my second son, she accused me of ‘being on crack’ for losing my baby weight swiftly when she hadn’t.

She said it to me in front of all the other parents and teachers. I was mortified.

Because of my reputation, the burden was on me to disprove the ridiculous claim, not on her to prove it. I stood up for myself but left feeling embarrassed. On another occasion, Stacey assumed I was on drugs because my ex-husband was a member of a motorcycle gang – also not true.

I’ve worn the ‘bad mum’ label for years. And I’ll admit, sometimes I’m not as polished or prompt as the other mothers at school, admits Nikki (pictured with two of her children and her partner)

Being the most tattooed mum at the school gate was always going to be a challenge, but I never thought it would be this hard. Some parents think I’m ‘scary’ or ‘tough’ and don’t speak to me. The teachers can give me a hard time, too.

I’ve carried the ‘bad mum’ label on my back for years. And I’ll admit, sometimes I’m not as polished or prompt as the other mothers at my children’s school.

I’ve done the morning school run in pyjamas, no makeup and my hair in a messy bun because I was running late. Then I have to sign them into the front office and show my face to explain why they were late: because of me.

I’m forgetful and miss important dates, I’m disorganised, and my ADHD creates chaos. It’s just who I am. Mornings are definitely my enemy. Everything goes wrong, causing a domino effect throughout the day.

Before I go on, it’s time you learned something about me: I used to be a stripper.

Back in my stripper days, I would sometimes need to drop them off in thigh-high boots, shorts and a busty top before going to work the early shift.

It’s fair to say I copped plenty of judgmental looks. On many occasions, I would see the other mums elbowing their husbands for looking in my direction.

Teachers have scolded me for being late to parent meetings and assume I don’t care about my children’s education. I’ve received notes from them about sending my kids to school with bruised fruit when it’s all I had left in the pantry that day.

Nikki’s former life as a stripper (pictured) meant she faced judgement at the school gate

For years, I avoided speaking to other parents because I knew they were judging me. My anxiety was through the roof at pick-up and drop-off. I know that tension trickles down to my kids, who rarely get invited to birthday parties.

Despite my past, and despite my ADHD, I’ve tried to fit in and be the best mum I can be, but the truth is, I fall short nearly every time.

I’ve enrolled my three kids, aged five, eight and 14, in after-school activities but it was pointless: we’d either be late or miss the activities entirely because of my lack of planning.

As a single parent with limited support, I’m often juggling everything at once and it can feel overwhelming at times.

Before I had children, I had a picture in my head of what kind of mother I was going to be: the type who bakes cookies, does arts and crafts every day, and generally has a happy family.

But, boy, was I wrong. My life couldn’t be further from what I thought it would be.

Funnily enough, the only time I’ve felt like a ‘good mum’ was when I was a stripper.

My mornings were less hectic, I had time during the day to be with my children, we would go to the beach and build sandcastles before I went to work in the evening. Plus, the money was great.

Now I work part-time at a tattoo studio and as a comedian. My schedule is packed with work. I wish I could be more present with my kids but my to-do list is always endless and I rely on screen time to settle them down.

Being a comedian also means I can be away a lot. Last August, I was overseas for five weeks performing at the Edinburgh Fringe and I’ll do the same this year.

I felt a lot of ‘mum guilt’ being away for so long. Before I left for overseas, I constantly received the same comments from other mums.

‘How will you cope with being away for so long? I could never do that. I’d miss my kids too much,’ they would tell me.

My ex-husband and I agreed to have the kids for alternating weeks and he has them full-time when I’m away. Honestly, I love my ‘time off’ from being a mum, but by the end of the week I’m so happy to see them again.

But in spite of my flaws, I know the household I’ve created for my children is completely different to the chaotic one I grew up in.

I had a wild upbringing

I grew up in Rockingham, Perth, which I like to call the ‘meth and single mum capital of Australia’.

My father was a drug dealer but my family and I still went to church every Sunday.

I was the accidental ‘snitch’ of the family. At show and tell, I would stand up in front of the class and share ‘something exciting’ that happened over the weekend. On one occasion, I told everyone how the police had raided our home and ‘took daddy away’ because he was selling drugs. Another week, my mum told the teacher my dad was ‘away’ but I let slip he was actually in jail – oops.

As well as dealing, my dad became addicted to drugs, which led to my parents splitting when I was 15. This sent shockwaves through my family and severely impacted my mental health.

Running away with the circus at 15

When my parents broke up, I went to live with dad. At that time, the circus used to come to town once a week and some of the performers who were looking to party bought drugs off my father.

One day when I came home from school, he gave me a choice: to run away with the circus with him, or to go live with mum. I chose the first option. Funnily enough, my whole family followed suit and my parents eventually ended back together.

Now I work part-time at a tattoo studio and as a comedian, reveals Nikki

We travelled with the circus for 12 months. I trained in acrobatics but most of the time I was shovelling animal poo, cleaning pens or serving at the counter.

Eventually, my parents decided to settle in Queensland, which I didn’t want to do, so I flew to Perth to live with my sister. I was 18 and still struggling with my mental health at that time. Moving somewhere I didn’t have any friends didn’t help and I became so low I attempted to take my own life.

Thankfully, I didn’t succeed.

When I was 23, I started stripping to make ends meet. After six weeks of working in the club, I met a bikie and we started a relationship.

My parents weren’t thrilled about my choice of man, but the truth is he pulled me out of the rough patch I was going through at the time. Looking back, I can confidently say he saved my life.

It was a whirlwind romance. We moved in together after three weeks and I fell pregnant six months later.

My dad walking me down the aisle in 2011 surrounded by motorcycles as I married a bikie

It’s fair to say I’ve lived a life. I’ve been doing stand-up comedy for three years and managed to meet the love of my life too – fellow comedian Andrew (pictured together)

I quit stripping then and after welcoming our first child, we married in 2011. Two more kids followed, but eventually we fell out of love and went our separate ways.

Losing my dad

I lost my dad to suicide on December 19, 2012, which crushed me.

Only a few days prior, I had a conversation with him about how he wanted to take his own life and I thought I had talked him out of it. I still wonder if there’s any more I could’ve done.

It’s fair to say I’ve lived a life. I’ve been doing stand-up comedy for the last three years and met the love of my life – a fellow comedian from Sydney named Andrew. We’re in a long-distance relationship but it works for us.

I’ve taken my life experiences and turned it into a comedy show called Bad Mums. My philosophy is it’s important to laugh at yourself, otherwise you might cry.

I’ve realised other mothers aren’t as scary after all. Since sharing my life story, so many other women have resonated with not being the ‘perfect mum’.

Now my job is to make people cry from laughter – it’s a show for all the bad mums out there and to cut them some slack, because we’re all trying our best.