Fresh Meat star Kimberley Nixon says ‘dark thoughts’ flooded her mind after birth of first child

Fresh Meat star Kimberley Nixon has said she experienced a flood of “dark thoughts” following the birth of her first child.

The 39-year-old actor, who is known for her role as Josie Jones in the Channel 4 comedy set in a fictional university, welcomed a son with her husband Cai Howells in 2020.

Nixon said she spent a long period “fighting” with her brain after she experienced intrusive thoughts that something awful would happen “accidentally”, “on purpose” or “against her will”.

The actor was eventually diagnosed with OCD. Research suggests women can be more likely to develop in the perinatal period as the sudden increase in responsibility can lead to “obsessional stress”.

Speaking on the Hidden 20% podcast, Nixon said: “My mind got flooded with the darkest thoughts you could think. It was kind of A Clockwork Orange in my mind, seeing the darkest things you could do.”

The actor, who also appeared in Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging, said: “And then you bring in a baby and what if any of [the dark thoughts] happened to him?”

When asked what type of dark thoughts she meant, Nixon revealed many of her worries led to the conclusion that her baby could be harmed.

For example, she grew concerned that if she wrapped her son in a blanket, he would overheat and die. The actor grew similarly concerned about him sleeping, being fed, and other daily activities.

Nixon admitted she was worried she was a “secret serial killer” because of the intrusive thoughts. “Am I a malicious, awful person who wants to hurt children?” she thought.

In the years after the birth of her son, the Fresh Meat star opened up about her mental health struggles on social media, expressing anger that she’d “begged for help” but received none.

“It wasn’t baby blues; i was a severe post-natal mental health condition,” Nixon wrote alongside a picture of her crying.

A survey in the Nursing Times suggests that up to 11 per cent of mothers may suffer from post-natal obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Nixon reflected: “Two years later, I’m a different person. I’ve learned so much. I’ve come to understand so much but I’m still so angry that when I needed help, begged for help, it wasn’t there.”

“I was made to feel more isolated and ‘other’ than I already did,” she added. “That sent me in a downward spiral because it reinforced my thinking that I was beyond help.”

If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.

If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.