Expert reveals what not to say during the festive season – and why you should consider ‘presence’ instead of ‘presents’ Christmas Day

Christmas is supposed to be ‘the most wonderful time of the year’.

Spending time with friends and family and sharing the excitement of children when they race out to see if Santa has been. 

But it’s not wonderful for everyone.

There are financial pressures, the pressure to be ‘perfect’, and uncomfortable questions from relatives.

Heart on My Sleeve founder Mitch Wallis, 34, has shared his top tips for staying sane during the festive season and the one thing to avoid saying on Christmas Day. 

‘People don’t want to leave Christmas believing that they’re less than what others had hoped they would be,’ Mr Wallis told Daily Mail Australia. 

He said people should avoid the phrase ‘It’s Christmas – you should be x, y, z’ adding that people ‘don’t need to be anything’ and should be free of expectations. 

The mental health expert has also offered some ways to survive the festive season. 

‘For me, Christmas is New Year’s Eve, but with a grandstand audience,’ he said. 

‘Given its timing, we’re compelled to reflect on the year and where we are in our life and talk about that with people that will likely judge us.’

Mr Wallis said Hollywood has sold us a false image of what Christmas should be. 

‘In reality for a lot of people it’s usually a s**t show that we dread, because it reminds us of the parts of ourselves that we’re trying to forget,’ he explained. 

Financial pressures

Mr Wallis said Aussies have been under intense financial pressure this year. 

The mental health expert has asked his family if December 25 can be a ‘presence’ instead of a ‘presents’ Christmas amid the current cost-of-living crisis.

He urged Aussies to voice their expectations around presents ahead of the big day and assured the majority of people would likely be ‘relieved’ by the news. 

But what about the kids who expect to wake up on Christmas morning to discover Santa has delivered a mountain of presents under the tree?

Mr Wallis said it was more about making long-lasting memories than counting gifts as he reminisced on a memorable Christmas Day. 

‘I woke up and there were scattered carrots in the living room, a half-drunk glass of milk on the front porch and the cookies had a bite taken out of them. The magic and the aliveness that my dad went to the effort of making me feel was something beyond human… that’s the only thing,’ he said. 

‘I don’t remember a single present, but I do remember that memory.’

Mr Wallis offered some advice for parents who may not be in a financial position to give their children the Christmas they desire. 

‘Don’t make that feeling a story, that “I’m a failure” and “my kids are going to resent me”. Let that hit and pass, because it’s just a moment in time,’ he advised. 

Uncomfortable questions

Mr Wallis said a good way to cope with uncomfortable questions from relatives is to brainstorm all the things that could potentially trigger you ahead of time. 

‘Spend 10 minutes asking yourself what questions or actions might bring up something within me that I really don’t want to have to deal with on the day,’ he said. 

‘Because sometimes if we haven’t forethought this, we will either over or under react.’

He says a good response to ‘Why you don’t have a partner yet? would be ‘It’s just not something I’m focused on right now but I appreciate you caring about my love life’. 

If they keep pushing, Mr Wallis suggests saying: ‘It’s not something I really want to discuss here. Tell me something exciting that’s happening for you in your life?

‘Because if you snap back, Christmas is going to be hostile. You’re going to resent it even more next year. It’s going to put a bad mood on everyone.’

Dealing with grief over Christmas

Mr Wallis has one simple message for how to cope with grief over the Christmas.

‘Keep them alive. Keep any missing loved ones alive by talking and sharing memories. It’s incredibly cathartic,’ he said. 

‘Don’t be afraid to feel grief during Christmas. You don’t want to avoid it, nor do you want to get stuck in it. You want to feel it and let it move through you.’

And if you’re supporting someone who’s grieving?  

‘Don’t be afraid to hold that with them. You’re not ruining their day. You’re allowing them to remember who they miss the most. And that’s a gift,’ he said. 

Lonely at Christmas

For those worried about feeling lonely at Christmas, Mr Wallis recommends volunteering at a local foodbank or following through with an act of service. 

‘Purpose will give you a bigger hit of dopamine than any present ever could and ideally the loneliness will be dwarfed by the feeling of contribution,’ he said. 

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