DEAR JANE: My partner wants to WATCH me cuckold him. I have a sneaking suspicion why… it’s devastating

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years, and we’ve recently been looking for ways to spice up our sex life.

At the beginning of our relationship, the sex was good and regular. But after we moved in together and settled into a more mundane routine, our intimacy diminished and we started going weeks without it.

I’ve always been adventurous in the bedroom, and I’m willing to try (almost) everything. So when my husband suggested I sleep with other men in front of him, I tried to be open to the idea.

It seems like there’s been so much talk about cuckolding recently — I keep reading things online and on social media about how non-monogamy is the ‘key’ to keeping your sex life interesting.

I’ve even had a few girlfriends confess that their partners let them sleep with other men because it turns them on.

So I agreed and told my boyfriend I would try to find another man who would be comfortable doing it in front of him. But this is really where the problem started.

You see, my husband and I are very social. We often attend parties, go to each other’s work events, or hang out together at bars — but now, whenever we are in public, it feels like he is pressuring me to flirt with men. He is constantly watching me interact with other guys or making sexual comments, like suggesting that men are my ‘type’ or that ‘he looks like fun’.

I feel like porn is definitely to blame for this new cuckold kink of his — which seems to have just arisen out of nowhere. And that upsets, because I hate the idea of him watching porn in general.

Do you think his recent actions are red flags, and are they serious enough that I need to leave him? As I say, I’m willing to try almost anything in the bedroom, but I think I might have to draw the line at this request… though I do fear that would that mean he’d never be fully satisfied with me.

From,

Cuckold Crisis

Dear Cuckold Crisis,

Oh, this is creepy. And wrong. And a huge red flag — not the cuckolding specifically, but the fact that your partner is pushing you to do something that you don’t want to do.

You are clearly not interested in sleeping with anyone else, but have agreed to try just to keep your boyfriend happy. 

You are not alone. I hear from so many women who do things they hate for the sake of their partners — frightened that if they speak up, they will be abandoned.

These women twist themselves into pretzels to make their partners happy. But all the while, quiet resentment builds and, eventually, they implode.

Porn almost certainly has something to do with this. 

The more someone watches, the more desensitized they become, and the more extreme the content will need to be to get them off. 

Unfortunately, in today’s world, porn is right at our fingertips — and it can take a serious toll on relationships, as you are learning.

Whether it’s one partner no longer being happy with ‘vanilla’ — i.e. normal — sex, or whether it’s that they no longer want sex at all, the consequences can be devastating.

But please remember: you are allowed to say no. 

If your boyfriend gives you a hard time, or continues to pressure you, then this is not the kind of man you want to be with. You deserve better. You deserve to be in a relationship with a man who loves and cherishes you. 

And whatever sexual predilections that man has, you have to share them — or at least be intrigued enough to want to try.