DEAR JANE: I’ve discovered my neighbor’s dirty little secret. If I expose her it’ll ruin her life. But is that so wrong?
Dear Jane,
I live in a small, tight-knit neighborhood. Everybody knows everybody and we all love to gossip.
My next-door neighbor acts like she is perfect, but I recently discovered something that would not only shatter her reputation, but it would also potentially ruin lives.
You see, her husband goes on business trips quite regularly and is often out of the house.
A few nights ago, I couldn’t sleep so I went downstairs at around 2 am to watch some TV in the living room which has a window facing onto her side gate.
Suddenly the lights outside her house went on and I saw a figure creeping up the driveway toward the side door. I immediately thought it was an intruder and jumped up and ran to the window, which is when I saw the figure’s face.
It was another man from our street! Not only is he married, but his wife is also expecting another baby any day now.
I can’t believe he is cheating like this and with a married woman who lives just down the road. I feel like I need to tell his wife but I don’t want to drop this bombshell on her during such a stressful time.
Dear Jane: I just discovered my neighbor’s dirty little secret that she has been desperately trying to hide, is it wrong to expose her?
Should I wait a few months and tell her after the baby has been born? Does she deserve to know immediately? Or should I just stay out of it all together and let them figure it out for themselves?
From,
Neighborhood Watch
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Neighborhood Watch,
You start your letter by saying that everyone in your neighborhood loves to gossip, so I imagine this is a dream come true for you.
It gives us a sense of belonging, and often a sense of superiority when we share something about someone that others do not know.
We get a release of adrenaline just before we impart the sensitive information. For that reason, gossiping can be addictive.
But gossiping can also be toxic. It puts a person in a state of negativity and in a position of judgment over others.
No one likes to be whispered about in disparaging terms. It is hurtful and when it comes from people we consider friends it can feel like a painful betrayal.
When I was a young university student, I remember delighting in passing on gossip about a girl we knew. Days later she approached me, devastated. She told me how upset she was at hearing what I had said. I was mortified when confronted by the impact my words had on her and I decided that I would not trade in gossip again.
Whatever is going on in this family, it is none of your business. Your neighbor acts like she is perfect. You have discovered she’s not. But it is not for you to tell anyone else what you have seen.
If the weight of carrying this secret is too hard to bear, tell your potentially adulterous neighbor what you have seen. Perhaps airing her secret will lead her to make a different choice.
But whether she does or doesn’t, it isn’t your concern, and I urge you not to share this with your wider community.
