Davina McCall has opened up about her struggles with drug addiction in her twenties.
The 57-year-old, who recently revealed she had been diagnosed with a brain tumour, went through a dependency on heroin when she was younger.
Speaking about her experience attending Narcotics Anonymous, a group for people struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, she revealed the one thing she found most difficult about recovery.
“My biggest problem was that I had to say I was an addict, and I’d never said that out loud before,” she said in an interview with author Johann Hari on her Begin Again podcast.
“I thought, once I say I’m an addict, I can’t really go back and use easily again.”
The TV personality said she was 24-years-old at the time that she sought help and attended the group.
“So to say it out loud meant that I was admitting it to other people but even worse I was admitting it to myself, and once I’ve admitted it to myself, then that makes it quite hard,” she continued.
“It will ruin my using forever. Like, I’ll never enjoy it again. I wasn’t enjoying it that much anyway, that’s why I was in that meeting. All through the meeting I was obsessing about saying it, [thinking] ‘Oh my god, if I have to talk I’m going to have to say it’.”
Although McCall was terrified about having to admit her addiction out loud, she explained the moment when she did it, and the subsequent release that followed.
“Then they say ‘Now is the time for newcomers to say anything’ and everybody just looks at me and I’m thinking ‘Oh no,’ I say ‘My name’s Davina…’ and it’s like vomiting out the words, ‘…and I’m an addict’ and then I just kind of cried for two minutes,” she said, as she went on to describe the sense of community she felt in the group.
“People rubbed my back. I really identified with that feeling of being in a group of like-minded people suffering the same kind of problems but supporting each other with the knowledge of exactly what that person’s going through.”
McCall has previously said that her ex-partner and musician Eric Clapton helped her get help, sharing that she first had cocaine aged 15 with her mother.
If you have been affected by this article, you can contact the following organisations for support: actiononaddiction.org.uk, mind.org.uk, nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth, mentalhealth.org.uk.
