At 53, I’d been celibate for a decade and thought I’d never have sex again. Then a friend let me in on a secret all the posh mums are talking about…

Being a single woman at the age of 53 was never something I’d planned. 

For 20 years I had only slept with one man, but our long-term relationship ended when I was 43. We had become friends instead of lovers and our lives were heading in different directions, so parted ways.

We had never married nor had children; I wasn’t interested in either and instead chose to put my career in marketing first.

When we broke up, I didn’t jump back into the dating scene like my ex-partner did. In fact, I avoided it altogether. The thought of starting from scratch terrified me and I’d heard horror stories of online dating.

What began as a desire to stay single eventually became 10 years of celibacy. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was part of the ‘voluntary celibacy’ movement. It’s different from the involuntary celibates – men who crave sex but can’t get it, so resort to spewing hatred. Instead, it refers to women who choose to abstain from sex in order to heal trauma, reduce stress, and escape the toxicity of modern dating.

I was a happy ‘volcel’ (again, it wasn’t a term I was familiar with until recently) until about two months ago when a good friend made a suggest that changed my mind.

‘Why don’t you hire a male escort?’ 

Before getting into that conversation, let me paint a picture of my sex life at 53.

When I became single in my forties, there was no fire within me. Sex was the last thing on my mind with perimenopause around the corner. My libido diminished so rapidly I felt I could easily go the rest of my life never having sex with a man again. 

But things changed for me, like they did for so many of us, during Covid lockdown. As I headed into my fifties, my libido came back in full force.

As menopause disappeared in the rearview mirror, I became like a horny teenager again. Perhaps it was the freedom of having no children, or the lack of relationship stress, but suddenly I felt something I hadn’t experienced since my early 20s.

All of a sudden, I wanted sex with no strings attached. I wanted a judgement-free zone, I wanted safety, I wanted comfort, I wanted to be adored and pleasured. 

But I still didn’t want to join dating apps or go on blind dates. I didn’t want to be set up with a stranger. I didn’t want to have to kiss dozens of frogs before finding my Prince Charming between the sheets.

That’s why, after a few years of frustration, my friend’s suggestion caught me off-guard. She said it was all the rage among her social circle. Apparently it’s easier for busy single mums to pay for a professional once a month than try to find a boyfriend among the over-40s duds on dating apps.

I laughed it off at first, but inside I was intrigued.

So it was, on November 3, I googled ‘male escorts for women in their 50s’. One of the first results was Her Confidant, a luxury escort agency for women and couples only. 

The profiles of the men fascinated me. Reading their bios, which highlighted their passions and interests as well as their eye-watering physical attributes, were more than a little appealing. I decided to give it a go. 

I sent an email and Anna Grosman, the agency’s founder, responded almost instantly. She asked what I was after, and I explained I hadn’t been with a man in 10 years. 

I explained how I was the loud, bubbly one in my friendship group, but in terms of sex I was, let’s just say, quite out of practice. 

Anna said she had the perfect man for me: Andre. 

I browsed his profile, which detailed how he enjoyed gardening and ocean swimming. His face was blurred so I didn’t know exactly what he looked like but he had curly hair and was six foot. 

Anna said he was very empathetic, mature, and had lots of experience with women of a similar age. I would soon learn she was 100 per cent right.

She suggested the ‘dinner package’ but I wasn’t interested in getting to know him on a personal level or having a fake date. I wanted to get down to business, so I booked him for two hours, which cost $1,900, and scheduled our meeting for a week’s time.

I chose my favourite outfit, opting for pants rather than a dress. Looking in the mirror, I never imagined I’d be the type of person to hire an escort. But there I was, about to meet one at a hotel bar.

I was fraught with nerves waiting for Andre to arrive. I ordered some bread to nibble on. Then I saw him walk in. Handsome in a suit, his curly hair bounced slightly as he walked in, oozing confidence.

There were a thousand thoughts running through my mind that all came to a halt when he said ‘hello’. He kissed me on the cheek before taking a seat beside me.

He smells so good. Do I have lipstick on my teeth? Don’t say anything stupid.

We laughed and had a delightful conversation over a mocktail for 30 minutes. I opted not to drink because I wished to be completely present. 

It didn’t take long before I felt comfortable in his presence. I quickly understood this was his job – to make women feel great. And he really did. 

We went upstairs to the hotel room. He caressed my hair then kissed me. I’ll save you the smutty details, but it was among the best sex I’d ever had in my life. 

Sure, it was a little awkward at first as we communicated about safe sex, what I liked and didn’t like. But when we got down to it, God, I felt alive again.

I’ll be honest: I was skeptical at first. I didn’t know what to expect but he was an incredible lover, yet also a cautious one who put my needs first. 

He was different to my last lover. He was better.

Time went fast and slow at the same time. All my nerves disappeared. After multiple orgasms, we collapsed on the bed together and spent the remainder of our time together cuddling and talking. 

We had a deep conversation that I’d never expected to have with a man again. I opened up about my insecurities: I spoke about my decade-long celibacy and he encouraged me to start dating again. 

‘Treat it like an experiment. If you don’t go on any second dates – who cares?’ he said.

His advice really shifted my perspective. What did I have to lose?

I’ve hired Andre twice since. Our time together is always wonderful but I’m under no illusions about us: I know he’s offering a service and I’m just another customer.

I worked up the courage to join a dating app and went out this week with a man 15 years my junior. I never would’ve done that two months ago. I’m not exaggerating when I say Andre has made me feel like a different person. I can’t wait to tell him about my date.

He wasn’t cheap, but he was worth every cent. 

• As told to Carina Stathis