Stephen Colbert spent the majority of his opening monologue on Wednesday night’s “Late Show” talking about President-elect Donald Trump‘s Cabinet choices so far, including Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida as attorney general and Tulsi Gabbard as director of national intelligence.
“Almost eight years ago, we all saw [Trump] saunter down those Capitol steps, put his hand on a Bible, lie to the chief justice about defending the Constitution and then give an extremely accurate speech about the coming American carnage. And I’ve been saying, quite sincerely, ‘Hey! Let’s not get out over our skis here. Let’s take this one day at a time. Maybe, maybe betting against all logic and all previous experience, it’ll be different this time,’” Colbert said at the beginning of his monologue. “I was right. ‘Cause it’s already way worse.”
Colbert pointed out that Trump announced earlier Wednesday on Truth Social that he is nominating Gaetz to be U.S. attorney general. “During the campaign, I thought if Trump won, he would do the worst things I could imagine. Turns out, I don’t have much of an imagination,” the “Late Show” host said. “There is not enough Botox in the world to hide how shocked I am. There’s also not enough Botox in the world because Matt Gaetz used all of it. This is just a little ‘amuse-douche’ of what a horrifying idea this is.”
He continued, “Matt Gaetz, nominated for the top law enforcement office of the United States, is currently under investigation by a House Ethics panel that issued a subpoena for him in a sex and drug probe. Which really makes you wonder, did he bring enough drugs to share? ‘Cause I could really use them about now.”
Colbert then told his audience that it “gets additionally awful,” noting that Trump has selected former Rep. Tulsi Gabbard as his nominee for director of national intelligence.
“Trump gave another extremely important job to MAGA minion and Cruella de Village Idiot, Tulsi Gabbard,” Colbert said, adding that he interviewed Gabbard during the 2020 presidential campaign and when he thinks of her, “the word ‘intelligence’ is not the first one that comes to mind — or the second.”
Colbert said Gaetz and Gabbard’s nominations for Trump’s Cabinet “was not the outrageous, stupefying story that I thought I’d be leading my monologue with tonight.” He then brought up Trump nominating Fox News host Pete Hegseth to serve as secretary of defense. “Hegseth has two qualifications for Trump,” Colbert said. “He’s on TV, and he is one weird dude.”
Colbert described Trump’s list of nominees as the president-elect’s “‘Star Wars’ Cantina of a Cabinet.”
Towards the end of his monologue, the late-night host mentioned the Senate Republicans’ decision to select Sen. John Thune of South Dakota as their majority leader.
“I tell you this, why? Here’s why you care,” Colbert said. “All those nominations I mentioned earlier, straight from the mouth of madness? Normally, they have to go through a Senate confirmation, where both sides of the aisle get to ask salient questions and present evidence and call witness testimony. And the nominees have to defend themselves and explain why them getting that job would be good for America. But Trump has demanded, and Thune has supported, adjourning the Senate so none of that happens, and Trump just says, ‘Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, here’s the job without any review.’”
