I’ve been cuckolded twice by men I thought were friends. The first was a drunken opportunist – but the second took pride in utterly humiliating me

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling groggy and disorientated – something wasn’t right. As I gently turned over in the darkness I noticed the other side of the bed was empty. My fiancée Emily* never stayed up this late.

I didn’t want to leave the bed at 1am but I wondered where she was. My first thought was she had fallen asleep on the couch downstairs. We were on a weekend getaway with four friends south of Perth and had rented a holiday house near the beach. 

My fiancée and I had been together for 18 months and were two weeks away from our wedding day. I was in my twenties. Everything was set and paid for. I was happy. We were happy. Or so I thought. 

I tiptoed out of the bedroom and up the hallway. As I approached the top of the staircase I could hear muffled noises. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. 

I walked downstairs and turned on the light. What I saw was immediately burned in my eyes forever: my fiancée naked on the couch with a man I considered a friend. 

They both looked at me and froze. After a few seconds that felt like an eternity, they both dashed for their clothes, which were strewn across the floor. 

‘What the hell is going on?’ I shouted, my voice deep with fury. Emily jumped up and ran across the room. ‘It’s not what you think,’ she said. 

‘Don’t lie to me.’ My chest tightened. 

I yelled, screamed and threw punches at him. Anger erupted within me like a volcano – loud, hot and uncontrollable. 

The rest of the house woke up to see what all the fuss was about. They saw everything. His wife, asleep in another room like I was, lost her mind. 

Despite the fact I had caught them in the heat of the moment, my fiancée tried to deny the whole incident and said they were just ‘massaging each other’. Naked! A likely story. I wasn’t stupid.

She grabbed her clothes from the floor and tried to calm me down, but I retreated to the bedroom, slammed the door and started packing. My hands were shaking and tears welled in my eyes. She was pounding at the door begging for me to let her in. 

I sat on the floor with my head in my hands. Why did she do this? How could she betray me? She said she loved me.

I just wanted to escape. There was no point staying. The holiday – and our relationship – was over. The only problem was we were a four-hour drive from home. 

That morning, everyone was silent. I packed the car and was ready to go but couldn’t because it wasn’t my vehicle; I had to travel back with the group. It was the most humiliating car ride of my life sitting next to my cheating fiancée, the man who had cuckolded me, and his distraught wife.

I couldn’t say anything or even bear to look at any of them. 

After arriving home, we cancelled the wedding. I lost the entire $35,000 I had spent. That was a hard pill to swallow too. I never spoke to the friend again either. 

As ashamed and embarrassed as I was, I told my friends and family what had happened. I didn’t want to beat around the bush or have them hear the news from someone else. They were devastated for me and couldn’t believe what had happened. 

We sold the house we had bought together and she fled to the UK. I felt like I had lost everything and had nothing to live for. To push through the pain, I turned to drinking every night. 

A few weeks later, I decided I needed a change so flew to Sydney to help a friend with a project and took three months off work. This was when I met my new partner, Trish*. I wasn’t looking for a new relationship – the pain of what happened with my ex was still raw – but I was out with friends and we got talking. If I could turn back time I would probably say to my younger self: ‘run for the hills’.

At about the same time I was getting to know Trish, I met a guy a few years younger than me, Michael*, and we became best mates. We would hang out on weekends, drink beer and even bought a boat together. Typical guy stuff.

He met Trish obviously and, at first, they seemed to have that normal, polite kind of relationship blokes have with their best mate’s girlfriend.  

But flash forward a couple of years and I started to suspect something was off between them. They would hang out together too often and caught up when I wasn’t around. Trish and I were living together by then but for some reason Michael would always be around, like a lodger.

Things were ramping up at work at the time. I was clocking up 50-hour weeks, including weekends. After getting home I would be so exhausted that my routine would just be dinner then bed. I suppose in hindsight, Trish and I weren’t spending enough quality time together.

Sometimes I would say to Michael, ‘Mate, I think it’s time for you to leave. It’s getting late.’ Sometimes he would, sometimes he wouldn’t.  

My relationship with Trish continued and we got engaged. She became pregnant with our daughter but it seemed like she was never in a rush to marry me. 

Shortly before our daughter was born, I questioned Trish about her friendship with Michael, but she reassured me nothing was going on.

When our baby was born, I immediately noticed she looked just like me. I felt so relieved and my suspicions about Trish evaporated.

The next two years were better. Michael backed off and he wasn’t around the house as much. But when my daughter turned two, suddenly he was coming over nearly every day. It was like he was the third housemate. 

While at work I would call Trish and find out Michael had been there since 10am. Sometimes he wouldn’t leave until 1am. Sometimes he would come around for four or five days in a row while I was out.

On my week off I would go to bed and he would still be at my house, then I would wake up and they would still be chatting in the living room at midnight.

I never caught them in the act like I did with my ex-fiancée. I just thought their relationship was odd. Then everything hit the fan when she was pregnant with our son a couple of years later. 

I accused her again of cheating on me and questioned why Michael was always around, but she turned it around on me and accused me of being the ‘bad guy’.

She left me for a few months to stay with family. When she agreed to come back, the relationship was never the same. We were sleeping in separate beds and by the time our son was two we had legally separated.

I was the one who moved out. I stayed with a neighbour across the road whose wife, coincidentally, had cheated on him too. It was nice being around someone who knew what I was going through.

The day after moving out, I noticed my friend’s car was already in the driveway at my old place. That was all the confirmation I needed to know they were together.

Michael seemed to gloat in his triumph at stealing Trish from me. On one occasion much later, he said, ‘At least you know I’m going to be a good dad to your kids.’ I wanted to punch him in that moment but I didn’t. 

I don’t know how long the affair went on for. I don’t want to know. Michael eventually left his wife and married Trish earlier this year. I now have full custody of my two kids – so at least he doesn’t have the satisfaction of being a stepdad.

Being cheated on the way I was has destroyed me. If you look at me, you’d assume I’m a tough guy because of my size and height, but really I’m a broken man.

Opening myself up to women again is a struggle, but I’m trying to put myself out there on dating sites. The problem is my trust has been shattered too many times. 

I was dating a lovely woman for about 10 months but my paranoia about her cheating on me became too much. I always wondered where she was and who she was with. 

She had a male friend and I couldn’t get it out of my head they were hooking up behind my back. There was nothing going on but my jealously killed the relationship.

I hope to find love again one day, but right now my priority is my children and being a good father. 

People who have experienced trauma are often able to look back on what happened to them and say, for all the pain and suffering, at least they learned something about themselves. All I know is I have poor taste in women and best friends.

• As told to Carina Stathis. *Names have been changed

Relationship coach Louanne Ward shares the seven ‘warning signs’ that your best friend is secretly into your partner – from taking your partner’s side during an argument to having private conversations without telling you.

‘Nothing shatters trust like discovering that a close friend might be more interested in your partner than just friendship,’ she tells me. 

‘It’s a situation nobody wants to imagine but one that, according to research, is alarmingly common. In fact, more than 50 per cent of infidelities occur with someone known to both partners, often a close friend.’

1. Taking your partner’s side in every argument

Whenever you vent about a disagreement, your friend defends your partner, sometimes passionately, without considering your perspective. 

Or they come to your partner’s rescue if you have a disagreement in public. Occasional support is normal, but consistently siding with your partner is a sign they may be emotionally invested in them.

2. Constantly seeking proximity to your partner 

At social gatherings, your friend always ends up close to your partner. 

Whether they’re sitting beside them, starting private conversations or lingering when others have moved on, this frequent closeness may be more than mere coincidence.

3. Hanging on their every word 

It’s one thing to laugh at someone’s jokes, but if they hang onto your partner’s every word, laugh a bit too eagerly, always try to bring them into the conversation and ask for their opinion, it could be a sign they are too invested.

4. Acts of service just for your partner 

When your friend goes out of their way to do small favours for your partner – such as fetching drinks but forgetting to offer you one, giving them the best seat, or offering help – it might seem friendly and innocent at first.

But when these acts are frequent and directed solely at your partner, it could signal more than random acts of kindness. The reflex action of wanting to serve someone and look after them can be an indication of growing feelings.

5. Frequent compliments directed at your partner 

If your friend gives frequent verbal compliments directly to your partner in front of you – such as, ‘You’re so lucky to have them!’, or, ‘I wish I had someone like that’ – these statements could be a veiled way of expressing admiration. 

This is also a way for them to bring your partner up in conversation, and let’s face it, when you’re catching feelings for someone, you naturally want to talk about them every chance you get.

6. Mirroring your relationship dynamics 

If your friend starts imitating the things you do with your partner – such as using pet names, joking in similar ways or picking up on private gestures –  they could be trying to position themselves in an intimate way to build on the bond you have already created.

7. Private conversations or messages with your partner 

If your friend and your partner are engaging in private conversations, this is also another red flag.  

If your friend is often liking and commenting on your partner’s social media, texting or calling your partner without involving you, or inviting the two of you places without consulting you first, then their hidden feelings are coming to the surface.