You don‘t need a journalist to tell you that the world is a scary place right now. We’re on the brink of environmental collapse, have crimes against humanity being streamed live to our phones, as well as a looming threat of a major global conflict, the possibility of AI becoming our overlords, on top of a skyrocketing cost of living and plummeting quality of life to contend with. Oh, and there’s a big election going on at the moment, where a few people in Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin are deciding whether to elect a new US president who could spark the abandonment of Ukraine, renewed violence in Gaza and the West Bank, and the Chinese invasion of Taiwan. That’s a lot to deal with, even if you don’t have existing struggles with anxiety and depression.
This is all to say that sometimes it’s best to tap out, through the magical gift of disassociation. I honed this skill as a child. Aged eight, I came home after my first day at prep school and told my mum that I’d made friends with a tree. Can’t make any friends? Disassociate and pretend that a tree is your friend. Later that year, during a rugby game, I decided that the wind was my real father, giving me some sort of control of the weather. Forced to endure a brutally aggressive sport on a freezing cold sports pitch three times a week with classmates double your height and heft? Disassociate and pretend that you’re related to an air current. Our imagination is unique to us as a species and is a creative tool, but also a coping mechanism.
Like me, my colleague Habi has become well-practiced in the art of disassociation and so we thought, ahead of this stressful week in global affairs, we’d pass on our top tips.
1. REJECT THE IDEA THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ENGAGED
There’s a lot of pressure to stay informed and educated on various topics these days. And to an extent, that’s right – it is important to stay informed. But we don’t need to engage with heavy topics all the time. It’s OK to tap out at certain points in the day. Learn to gauge when it’s getting too much and take a breath, put your phone away and proceed to the next steps. TS
2. CREATE A NICE ENVIRONMENT IN YOUR HEAD
Our top tip for dissociating is to create a nice environment in your head. This could be a beautiful house where you feel happy, safe and secure. It could be a lovely forest where all you can hear is the sound of rustling leaves and a trickling stream. Work at creating this environment, building it in your head and committing it to memory. Then you’ll have a beautiful bolthole with you wherever you go. TS
3. POPULATE THAT NICE ENVIRONMENT WITH SOME NICE PEOPLE AND BEINGS
Real friends are great but so are imaginary ones – you could make friends with a tree or the wind, or you could have some friendly people or beings that sit in your imaginary environment with you. This could be a nice dog or a playful capybara. Or it could be something more magical like an Elven prince or handsome vampire. Whatever works for you – let your imagination run free!! TS
4. THINK OF IT AS A TV SERIES
Once you’ve established a safe, comforting place in your mind you can start building out characters, plot lines and whatever your heart desires. I like to think of it like a TV series that I am the screenwriter for. You turn on the show when you need a bit of respite, but once you feel more relaxed, you switch off and get on with your day. There are different seasons and episodes, sometimes I’m on a farm with talking animals but other times I could be airing out all the things I feel like I can’t say in the moment in imaginary scenarios. Maybe I can’t actually shout at all the ‘world leaders’ IRL in the way I want to, but it somehow feels cathartic to just feel those feelings in some way. HD
5. LEARN TO BLOCK OUT EXTERNAL STIMULI
This comes naturally to some people, others have to work at it. But try to block out external stimuli, ignoring what you can see and hear around you. You might find it helpful to close your eyes to begin with but soon, with a bit of practice, you won’t need to – you’ll just adopt a glazed, slightly vacant expression that communicates to the people around you that you are physically present but spiritually absent. They’ll get used to it in time and realise that if they’re talking to you when you have that glassy look in your eye, your words are just white noise. TS
6. USE IT AS A MAP FOR REAL LIFE
The great thing about escaping into a world of your own is that you have complete autonomy over how things go. Granted, it is important to know it’s not real, but when so much of the world feels terrible it’s hard to even think about what your own personal utopia would be. What would your ideal world look like? What role do you play in it? What is something small you do in this ideal world of yours that can make you feel a bit better? Sometimes the imagination you have can create a small pathway to figuring out how you can bring the two timelines a bit closer together. I’m not saying you’ll end up living on a floating cloud that speaks to you but maybe there’s a hobby or character trait in your daydream would you can bring into your real life. HD
7. REMEMBER THAT TWO THINGS CAN EXIST AT ONCE
It’s easy to see things as inherently bad and inherently good and while disassociating has a fairly bad rep, it’s not helpful to place moral value on it. There have been more occasions than I can count where disconnecting has been the most grounding and safe coping mechanism in the moment for me. But it only works if you let yourself lean into it and resist feelings of guilt about doing it in the first place. The world today can make you feel like you’re throwing up on a rollercoaster that won’t end, give yourself, and your mind, some patience to protect your peace in whichever feels natural. HD
8. REMEMBER THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW
Feelings are a lot like water: sometimes they’re like a babbling brook, sometimes they’re like that flood that just struck Valencia. What I’ve learned though is that your heart can be a bit like the ground and you can, with a bit of practice, choose how porous it is. Sometimes you’ll let your heart be like soil, and for your feelings to sink into it quickly and deeply. Sometimes you’ll let your heart be like a nice block of concrete or strong sheet of tarpaulin, and for your feelings to wash over it. Obviously, it’s only a temporary fix – that water has to be dealt with sometime. But that time doesn’t need to be right now. So if you’re worried about the result of the election tomorrow, just let those fears wash over you like water off a pelican’s back. As the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear in Dune goes: “Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing.” Let the fear pass through you and embrace the nothing. TS
9. RE-ENGAGE WHEN YOU CAN
Of course not everyone is able to tap out; for some people, here in the UK for instance, the results of the US election could be a depressing and dystopian prospect, but they’re also a (relatively) distanced one. For other people – like women, undocumented immigrants, queer people, and other marginalised groups in the US – the implications are far more serious and close to home. Engaging with these issues and getting involved in direct action where possible is important – so enjoy the tap-outs, but keep them temporary. TS
