As someone who’s recently re-entered the realm of casual dating after being couped up in a long-term relationship, I’ve discovered how detrimental vulva and labia anxiety are to self-image and mental health.
For the past nine years, I’ve been with one sexual partner. We were high school sweethearts who grew into young adults, and unfortunately, after a tragic turn of events, things came to a crashing end.
As singer Beabadoobee once sang: “That’s just the way things go.”
After months of healing, I ventured out into the world of casual dating, online dating, hookups, cyber sex and all that jazz. But nothing in the world could prepare me for the demon that is vulva and labia anxiety.
I started to catch myself wondering, is it pretty enough? Did they like it? Were they repulsed by it? What did it say about me as a person? (Spoiler: literally nothing. But you try telling my brain that.)
But it even got to a point where I began to contemplate labiaplasty.
Unfortunately, I am not the only one who suffers from something that can only be described as the Shame Wizard from Big Mouth.
One out of six labia owners suffer from labia anxiety
As per Women’s Health Victoria, one in six people are anxious or embarrassed about how their labias look, and a third (31 per cent) of labia owners associated it with words like “weird”, “disgusting” or “ugly”.
It also highlighted that Gen Z, in particular, felt ashamed about their labias, with one in four (23 per cent) of labia owners aged 18 to 24 claiming they’re ashamed of the way it looks.
Not only is this terrible for self-image and self-worth, but due to labia anxiety, four in 10 women avoid seeing their GP for sexual, reproductive health or a pap smear due to the shame they feel.
Speaking to PEDESTRIAN.TV, Flip Through My Flaps photographer and Comfortable In My Skin founder Ellie Sedgwick says labia anxiety often starts on the playground, before many of us are sexually active yet.
“It was the schoolyard bully terms that were said about other people’s vulvas, or other people’s vulvas that friends had slept with,” she shared.
“We all kind of grew up hearing those really mean joke terms about labias. There wasn’t much conversation around it. There was definitely no education around vulvas in high school in a positive form or an educational way.”
Labia anxiety feeds into the increase in labiaplasty
Labiaplasty is becoming one of the fastest-growing cosmetic procedures for young people not only in Australia but across the globe, with procedures skyrocketing by 73 per cent from 2015 to 2019.
One in 10 Australians aged 18 to 50 have considered labiaplasty, according to a survey by Women’s Health Victoria in April this year.
Ellie was almost one of those people, having three separate consultations as a young adult before ultimately choosing not to have the surgery — an experience that led her to her mission to spread labia diversity.
“I went in not knowing a single thing about our anatomy. Female [anatomy] like historically, there’s not enough information done on this part of our bodies, especially the female genitalia,” she said.
“I was just sitting there in this chair as a tiny 20-year-old little girl and some adult was just taking my money and willing to cut off my labia to fit society’s beauty standards that are forever changing, and I was I just feel they just robbing you.”
Ellie, launched Comfortable In My Skin in 2018, a project dedicated to photographing diverse labia’s. It’s since evolved into events (with nudity encouraged), an Instagram account with almost 100k followers, and a book, Flip Through My Flaps.
She’s photographed over 500 women and people with labias, some of whom also once considered labiaplasty.
“I think that labiaplasty is really sad, because people feel so much shame in this area that they need to get [surgery],” she said.
“But the other thing is, is that when they have labiaplasty, they don’t share that with anyone, and they still feel the shame of having this surgery done.
“Then it’s usually later in life that they then find out about all the nerve endings and pleasure in that part of their body. And often they’re left feeling like they were mutilated.”
Tackling labia anxiety head-on
As I thrive on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, I asked Ellie for advice about combatting labia and vulva anxiety — like she’s my fairy godmother of the pounani — the photographer shared a bunch of ways labia owners can get to know their bodies.
This included Yoni Gazing — the practice of meditating and focusing on the female genitalia such as the vulva, vagina and uterus — and taking the time to look at your friend downstairs.
“You can do little like meditations, cupping your vulva and one hand on your heart and then doing breath work and breathing the love through your body,” Ellie shared.
“If there’s a part of your body, like your vulva, that you’re not connecting with, give that part of your body way more time in your self-love practice. Self-love practices can be really small, things like when you shower, just take five more minutes in the shower to just love your pussy, just hold her, connect with her mirror work.”
One of the best ways to branch out is also to take a geeze at Ellie’s work in Flip Through My Flaps: An Exploration of the Vulva, a collection of 500+ vulva photographs and personal stories to raise awareness of vulva diversity.
Ellie is also responsible for the Comfortable In My Skin movement, which is dedicated to empowering women and to embrace their beautiful bodies as is.
Reflecting on how far the movement has come, the photographer said it was all about starting conversations about the taboo.
“Shame can’t live behind a voice, and when we speak up about what’s happening to ourselves, we realise that other people are all going through similar things or have similar body types or similar journeys or experiences in the women’s health world, and that just makes you feel so much less alone.”
Flip Through My Flaps: An Exploration Of The Vulva is available for purchase now.
